The five o five : Saturday, January 19, 2008

Prisoner of Life, Missing In Activity

I almost feel like a teenager sneaking in the door after hours here. I almost feel like I need to be sent to my room and assigned to a 2 month punishment with no phone and mall privileges until I get my act together. I've been gone for so long everything seems different and it almost feels like all eyes are on me. I sometimes wish I could go back to those simpler times (the teenage years). Back to when you honestly believed the entire world had to be against your specifically and the most important things in your life were homework, friends, money and sex. It seemed like a lot to deal with back then but looking at it now it doesn't seem all too bad, but I digress.

I've been off doing life things (as expected) but for some reason not by me. There have been quite a number of adjustments I've had to make recently (and don't read this post as some extended apology to the masses of cyber strangers out there I just want to let those who happen to stumble across this blog know who I am and what is going on in my life) and those changes have taken me away from my precious 505. So what type of changes can make a man sacrifice what he loves for such a long period of time. Well here they are:

• I have a new job which is actually two jobs.


• I'm still working a my old job just a lot fewer hours then before.


• I'm taking business classes every Tuesday and Thursday from 7pm to 9pm.


• I've been designing web sites and business cards for various clients (for very little or no pay at this point) at least 3 a week because I need the promotion


• I have to do 6am conference calls with my old job every morning just to see what extra work they need my help on


• I still have to take care of my precious Destiney


• I still have homework to do for the online school I attend sessions.edu
• 
  
• I still have a girlfriend to deal with love :)


• I guest blog on Blogaboutyourblog.com and YBPguide.com for a bit more exposure


• I still have to remain sane!

That is just a glimpse of what I have to do. There is still the standard household/car/relationship maintenance items to deal with as well. SO the purpose of this post is actually an appreciation of those that can balance life and blog so flawlessly that people come to depend on your insight and encouragement and begin to believe that you may actually live online somewhere. These bloggers are tireless and unscathed by the turbulence of the real world because they have come to love those that read and comment on their work as their extended internet family. One day! One day I will be just like you. One day I will be able to blog and not care how it looks or how many people don't comment on my posts. One day someone will notice me here and I will become infamous. One day.

I hope you all enjoy the three day weekend and also take a little of the time to reflect on why you get an extra day off to begin with. Martin Luther King [Wikipedia MLK] didn't do what he did for attention or fame. He did it because he felt that it was something that needed to be done. I hope I can make a difference on day.

One day.

In other news:
I have had some good things happen to me.

• I get paid a lot more at my new job than my old job and I've been able to actually pay off some of my bills.


• With the "disposable income" I now have I purchased a newer fancier phone [new phone]then the one I used to have which is a complete piece of crap.


• I'm about to start my fitness class again which is gonna be pure fun [STEP FX]

The five o five : Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Climax

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L I F E S T O R Y
"
I finally understand why people enjoy a good story so much. It gives us all a chance to experience life through the trials of someone else without having to make any sacrifices of our own. We even go as far as investing a part of our spirit into the journey and excitement of a good story so that we may feel the tug of emotion and the sting of disappointment the character may encounter. We want to know what it might be like if our life were this way but we don't really want our life to be a story.
"

This is the first post of the new year. An opportunity to start things off fresh and new. Exciting huh? A chance to kind of start over and redirect my focus on the things that are truly important to me and you. This is the moment I've been waiting for. The big reveal. The part in life's story where we are absolutely sure we know how everything is going to end. All the clues have been gathered. All the characters have been introduced. All the alternate possibilities have been exhausted. We know the story is about to come to an end. Oh wait a minute! That's not how life works huh?

There are no neat little wrap ups to separate one chapter from the next. Real life is a never ending cliffhanger. There are ups and there are downs but you never know what's coming up next.

I finally understand why people enjoy a good story so much. It gives us all a chance to experience life through the trials of someone else without having to make any sacrifices of our own. We even go as far as investing a part of our spirit into the journey and excitement of a good story so that we may feel the tug of emotion and the sting of disappointment the character may encounter. We want to know what it might be like if our life were this way but we don't really want our life to be a story.

Stories are too neat. Even though life is not a sloppy heap of endless duty and activity have you ever tried to write out every single thing you've done in a single day including the most mundane and menial of all tasks? One day alone would almost equal the length of a grocery store novel. We like stories because they remove all of the "ordinary" and talk only of the things most important in moving the plot along. Its like life minus the B.S. (literally).

Stories inspire us. Stories make us want to change our life. We realize that the characters (although fictional) had to overcome some grand obstacle and it makes us feel as though our simple trip to the dentist is no big deal. They forces us to focus our attention on how everything is interconnected and better asses where we are trying to go. They makes us take a step back and look at the big picture. They allows us to laugh at yesterday and lose sleep while waiting for tomorrow.

Our "life" story isn't over until we die. I just hope someone will read mine and laugh or cry along with me as I reveal what I've gone through. I hope my life makes a good story. Everyone appreciates a good story.

You all have a nice year. I'll be right here.

The End.

The five o five : Monday, December 31, 2007

Acid Rock Rinse Cycle Grunge Metal Razor Kiss

_{The following is based on true events as recorded from a dream.}

3am A.M. wakes me

Punching me in my chest

Gripping at my heart

Twisting painful knots into my cycle of breaths

I gasp

I gasp

I gasp for air poisoned with the taste of bitter smoke

It courses sharply through my bloodstream and marches directly to my brain
It stains my sheet with a salty wet substance of my own glands
Its almost as though I had taken a swim in the ocean
yet I was only in the basement
The dingy dirty dark filthy black silt covered tomb at the bowels of what some might call home

I descend rapidly

Falling not walking into its hollow stone lined flesh intestines

Corridors twisting

Family gathers under yellow tinged luminescence

The view is like a pee stained disco

Flickering monitors imprison nude wriggling bodies

They all laugh

They all smile

They call out Domino and King me

Their arrogant ignorance disturbs the air

Killer rats with gnashing teeth emerge from their holes

Jumping

Biting

Shooting brown machine gun pellets from their asses

I was frightened

I didn't know which would be worse

To die of disease or from the loss of bodily fluids

The precious blood that god gave me

I vowed to protect it

I run

Stumbling up an infinite flight of stairs

Panting

Gasping

Swimming upstream like a spawning trout

Rats hanging from my flesh

Sweat dripping from my brow

I just want it to be over

Eye wide shut I bang my head against hard light

It stuns me and I fall

Slowly

Drifting down like I was held aloft by angel wings

Feathered and white

Crowds gather around me

I plant my head firmly into the earth

It felt like pillows

Relaxing

Warm

Soft

I arose from a small pool of my own saliva

blood

teeth?

The world spun around me

The boys in blue walked by me

Not offering a hand

Not asking if I were ok

Did I need help

I stood

I dusted off the disgust of my making

The dirt of the ground

Gods magic formula and began to walk

I thought this was a nightmare at first

But there she was as beautiful as ever

I drifted in her direction

My intention was a single kiss

Her lip silently called to me like a siren song

I wanted to hum along but my mouth was crusted shut

I could feel my teeth chattering the drum solo

I drifted

Bumping into pedestrians

I drifted

Leaving over turned tables in my wake

I drifted with no means of deceleration

It was an inevitable crash

Screams

Food tossed all over

Ketchup stains my shirt

The boys in blue don't believe my story

I am grabbed by the arms

Led back into the basement

One of them grabs his weapon

I break free

Catching his chin with the butt of his own gun

I planted my bare feet sharply into the toe of his boot

His screams disrupted the skies

They turned black and angry

The basement now looked more safe

I run dizzily towards its mouth

Down its throat

Once again withing its bowels

The rats now drive tanks

My mother battling them with a cast iron skillet

Whack

She knocks them around like haphazard Tennis serves

Whack Swack Pow

They smash against the wall leaving interpretive modern art splatters

The air is thick with violence

My chest burns

My throat aches

I just want to go home

All is quiet

My sister is walking alone through an alley

I walk up and hug her

I tell her every thing is going to be ok

She grins

The dream now ends

5am yells at me

pierces my eardrums

I wanted to scream too

The room spun into place

Reality reconfigured

I walk over nude to turn it off

The nipping cold reminded me of a recent journey

One with rats and sentinels

I commence in the standard morning debate

Obligation wins this round

I descend the carpeted stairs

Remnants of a dream still hanging on

The world of darkness painted with surreal memories of an unconscious mind

There she was waiting for me

I lift her up onto my lap

I began to stroke her softly

The words flowed from my mind to my finger tips easily

She understood them all

She translated every scene of my dream into its digital manifestation

Maybe you were there too?

My chest still burns and there are scratches on my hands

Maybe I am my own worst enemy

All I want to do

Is wake up...

~Tigga76

The five o five : Thursday, December 27, 2012

A Timeless Dilemma : Pt 1

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T I M E L E S S
"
Time is the obsession of men alone. Not birds. Not dogs. Not Zebra. Not Anacondas. Only men buzz around flapping their arms and whinnying as though stirred by an unseen peril the same as a pack of beasts spooked by the presence of a snake. Time is "our" master and we are its slaves.
"

Good morning to you all. I hope everyone has had a wonderful Christmas holiday. I hope all of you have enjoyed your family and gifts and all other things festive which are associate with this time of year. My holiday was fine as well I I do apologize for not sharing that "time" with you but you know how it gets. What about "time" though. Why are we (or am I) so obligated and indebted to its passage that we (or I) feel so burdened at the thought that we have wasted the smallest ounce of someones "time". What is "time" that it has become such an important essential element to our daily living. What is it that it can occupy our every waking thought and drive us blindly through the labyrinth of days towards an unplanned and untimely demise for which we are often seen racing the guy in the car next to us to get there first? Why do we so obediently leap to our fate at the hands of the faceless and merciless villain? Why does time preoccupy our (my) thoughts so?

Time. I talk about it in almost every single one of my posts (in some form or another). I sometimes travel backwards within it and I sometimes swim forward throughout. Time is a substance of heavy and cold fluidity. A substance without actual weight or measure yet it is the most valuable taxed commodity in the Universe. What exactly is time though. With no "present" form of its own we only measure its passing. We follow its trail of footsteps the same as forensic scientist only concerned that we were not the victims of it latest plotting ourself. It lacks smell. Its absent of color. It holds no weight. It has no speed on its own yet it is what we use to measure speed. Time is the obsession of men alone. Not birds. Not dogs. Not Zebra. Not Anacondas. Only men buzz around flapping their arms and whinnying as though stirred by an unseen peril the same as a pack of beasts spooked by the presence of a snake. Time is "our" master and we are its slaves. If Satan had a face, a name, and a purpose then time would have to be it. What death, destruction and demise has time brought to all men? What is its true purpose.

T I M E L E S S
"
Life is filled with moments but between each lies the death of many seconds. We celebrate the macabre and enjoy the morbid burial of each and every minute now gone. Like some video game with guns and warfare we run through this existence with two blazing pistols "Killing time" as though we will be rewarded the high score. In the end we will get there first. In the end, however, we have missed so much.
"

I respect time but I do not believe in it. I believe in the construct and purpose it has but not the way we are taught as children to respect it. To many (although now it becomes an enigma because I already refer to time as Satan) time is God. To those fully devout within their religious beliefs time is the true master of their actions. Christians attend church every Sunday as though fearful of Gods punishment upon their absence. Seventh Day Adventists take Sunday off because God said this is the day you should rest. Devout Muslims pray 5 times a day because they believe go wants this exact measure of devotion in order for them to continue to receive blessing. I, on the other hand, don't respect time on any level. In every religion regardless of principal and regardless of practice the element of time dominates the substance of worship, praise and devotion. How many of us have ever looked at our watch at a service we thought was going on "to long"? The preacher, pastor or whatever ordained person at the front of the church, mosque or other place of worship would be so "caught in the spirit" that he or she disobeys or ignores man's primary obsession with this foul being and in his or her ignorance a few (if not all) of their followers mentally and verbally crucify them for wasting their time. Its happened before and it will happen again.

Time is not a grand a beast as we all make it out to be though. I believe it is as fragile as a spiders web and as small as a pea. Like a spiders web it does have a way of making us become entangled and entrapped within its intricate construction. Only the spider can traverse its surface awaiting any and all who become wound up in its invisible strands. Only the spider, awaiting its prey, respects time for what it delivers towards their sustenance. Do you know any spiders? Those who sit at the other end of the pendulum. Those who set up and monitor the passage and missed acknowledgments of time. Your boss. Your mother. Your friends. Your dog. Those who skim along the surface as you struggle to wade through the murky depths without a boat. Those who assign the false value and the false measure to that without value or measure.

What is time?

Can I hold it?

Can I taste it?

Can I capture it in a jar and watch its glow become more dim with each night's passing? Would night even pass?

T I M E L E S S
"
I use the moment to judge my happiness. I use the moment to tell me when the sunset shall return. The moment is more fulfilling. It lives. It breaths. We celebrate its arrival and not its death. Are we all death worshipers? Is that watch on our arm really a symbolic crypt to show the world how blindly devoted we are to sacrificing a being we have never seen nor heard? Can we and will we ever be free?
"

Why do we need time? We would still be able to gain experience and count events without its presence. The ticking of a clock neither adds nor subtracts from the first time we had sex or the last time we hugged our children. As a matter of fact the incessant ticking annoys us to no end when we are enjoying "the moment" so The Moment must be time's antithesis. Life is filled with moments but between each lies the death of many seconds. We celebrate the macabre and enjoy the morbid burial of each and every minute now gone. Like some video game with guns and warfare we run through this existence with two blazing pistols "Killing time" as though we will be rewarded the high score. In the end we will get there first. In the end, however, we have missed so much.

I feel a twinge of guilt everytime I'm gone away for this long. I have many other thoughts that I have neglected to share with you and they rest within my soul until next "time" we meet. The burn of guilt is not for myself though but for those who are afraid to live outside the boundaries of time's prison. I use the moment to judge my happiness. I use the moment to tell me when the sunset shall return. The moment is more fulfilling. It lives. It breaths. We celebrate its arrival and not its death. Are we all death worshipers? Is that watch on our arm really a symbolic crypt to show the world how blindly devoted we are to a being we have never seen nor heard? Can we and will we ever be free? Think about that as you count the final seconds of this year. Think about that as confetti and streamer litter our homes and party halls. Think about how many babies are being born and how many men are dying. Think about it all and try to freeze the moment forever. Try to resist the inevitable pull to get it all over with. Just live and breathe in an infinite pause or self. If it doesn't work. If the capture and conviction of the fugitive known as time escapes your grasp then you can always try again next year.

You have plenty of time...

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4
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The five o five: Friday, December 21, 2007

The Moment of Truth

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All of us have had that moment. That moment where we have to make a hard decision but we aren't granted a lot of time in which to do so. That moment where for the rest of the day or week or year we are always thinking to ourself, "did I do the right thing?" This moment is the one I call the moment of truth.

M O M E N T OF T R U T H
"
Life throws its sharp edged boomerangs our way and we instinctively dodge its pointed trials. But I said life throws "boomerangs". Nothing that you do goes away that easily. Nothing you decide comes without consequence.
"

Life is full of these moments but real life seems to thrive on them. These single second instances drive us towards the bigger picture. Sometimes we don't even see how it all connects. Its just one of those things that happen "to us" and we have no idea why. Something as simple as missing a bus because we were on the phone with our aunt. Something as major as the hurricane that could have taken us out of existence if we had not found a safe place to be [The five o five : Tuesday, November 20, 2007]. Things that remind us just how fragile this life is and just how serious every single choice we make can be.

Sometimes we respond mindlessly. Life throws its sharp edged boomerangs our way and we instinctively dodge its pointed trials. But I said life throws "boomerangs". Nothing that you do goes away that easily. Nothing you decide comes without consequence. Even if there were a million dollars behind "door number one" you still wonder what could have been behind doors two and three. You worry yourself with "possibility". Making those quick decisions always has a way of haunting us. Even if we let it go it doesn't let us go. It stalks us. It haunts us. It follows us all the way to the grave. Who we've slept with. The time we spent in prison. The last time we hugged our grandmother before she died. The last time we told our partner we love them before they moved on. The homework we didn't finish. The audition we couldn't make it to. The hot girl (or guy) we never said "hi" to. These seemingly insignificant seconds could have been possible the greatest events of our life. They are all doorways to "the next big thing".

M O M E N T OF T R U T H
"
Think of where you are now. Think of how you got there. Try to map out every event that led you exactly to computer screen your are looking and and the chair you sitting on. Imagine all of the other possible places you could be right now and the choices that you could have made to get there. Try to remember the most simple of these decisions but one that held the most major of consequences.
"

The moment of truth is always in our presence. Not just some, but all of our options have that same "momentous" potential. They are all intricately interconnected and unfortunately unrecognizable. You won't be able to clearly distinguish a major life event from your ride home (or maybe you would). Life sometimes leaves us clues. If you ever look back at those times where you had to stare a hard choice directly in the eyes then you know what I'm talking about. In retrospect you can see that you were "in the right place at the right time" or so they say. How many of your life changing moments were actually beyond your control. You miss your bus and then later run into a guy that offers you a ride to work but by the time you get there they say you are too late so the guy you rode with is sitting outside waiting and he then lets you know that he is the CEO of a major company and he offers you a job. Don't just shoot down my crazy idea because it hasn't happened to you (yet); It still holds the potential.

Think of where you are now. Think of how you got there. Try to map out every event that led you exactly to computer screen your are looking and and the chair you sitting on. Imagine all of the other possible places you could be right now and the choices that you could have made to get there. Try to remember the most simple of these decisions but one that held the most major of consequences. Like the push of a button or the stroke of a pen. Like the click of a mouse or the turn of a corner. Those are the times I speak of. Maybe reading this post right now is going to inspire someone to do something else. May everyone will leave Brittney Spears little sister alone [Jamie Spears MSNBC.com]. Maybe the entire world will change overnight. I'm definitely a dreamer but what better thing is there to do once you're awake at 5am, write a blog?

If this were your moment of truth. What would you do?

The five o five : Tuesday, December 18, 2007

It Is What It Is

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L I F E L E S S O N S
"
Life would lose all of its substance an become a pale gray shadow filed with simple tasks and mindless activity. The ups and downs are what make life worth living. It makes a relationship feel full. It makes the sunshine feel warm. Without the bad times or the low points we would never have anything to compare to the good times or he highs.
"

Some things we just have to learn the hard way. Some lessons just can't be skipped over or tested out of. Life is full of these. Lessons like love. Lessons like heartbreak. Lessons like tolerance. Lessons like loss. Lessons like need. Lessons like experience. Lessons that in the end build our identity and ultimately define our character. These are lessons that we must make it through our own. But what if we don't? What if we remain oblivious to the fact that there are more people on this planet other than ourselves and we are not the only ones who have gone through what we are going through right now? Could this be the answer to world peace. Identifying our similar struggles? Understanding our similar shortcomings? Teaming up with one another to battle a common obstacle whether than exaggerating our minor differences? What is the world coming to?

Over the weekend I went to go see the movie I AM LEGEND and I admit that I was extremely excited about it based solely on the previews alone [read my review on Yahoo! Movies]. The idea of being the last man on earth is a scary one but I thought to myself that a lot of act that way now anyway. We act as though no one else around us matters what-so-ever and if they were to vanish into thin air that we wouldn't miss them at all. What the movie shows, however, is that if we did ever end up being the last person on earth that we would miss that "human" connection. We would miss arguing. We would miss hugging. We would miss being able to agree or disagree with one another. Life would lose all of its substance an become a pale gray shadow filed with simple tasks and mindless activity. The ups and downs are what make life worth living. It makes a relationship feel full. It makes the sunshine feel warm. Without the bad times or the low points we would never have anything to compare to the good times or he highs.

If I were the last man on earth I would nearly lose my mind. The character in the movie spent most of his time trying to recreate the world e once lived in. He set up mannequins around town to resemble people he once knew so he could engage in regular conversation with them. It showed me that even though he knew that none of them were real that the desire for human contact is what makes us do "everything" we do. We are purely social beings. Why else is the internet so popular? Why is television a billion dollar industry? We want to see other humans doing other human things. We want to borrow lessons from their experiences so that we can identify the solutions when we encounter the situations on our own. We want to learn, live and grow. Isn't that what life is about?

L I F E L E S S O N S
"
I used to think that it was possible to be perfect. But what is perfection other than a collection of mistakes being rolled into a flawless final packaging? A diamond isn't exquisitely chiseled and fine cut when it comes from the ground. Gold doesn't have its divine glimmer straight from the earth. Janet Jackson wasn't that sexy when she was first born.
"

I remember most of my life lessons that made me who I am today. The hurricane. My first kiss. My first girlfriend. My first job. My first day of school. Moving to Toledo. Moving to North Dakota. Living in Miami. My first break up. My first sexual encounter. My first love. My friends. My first fight. My brother. My mom. My step-dad leaving. My grandmother. High school. Jr. High. Being poor. Being middle class. Being rich. Going to an art school. Being on academic probation. Going to an all black school. Being teased and talked about. Being admired and praised. Winning awards. Losing the spelling bee. Winning the relay race. Joining the Drama club. Lying to my mom. Getting a whooping. Getting a detention. Passing the Proficiency test. Getting my first check. Quitting my job. Not going to graduation. Becoming a man.

If I didn't go through all of the things I went through then I would not know all of the things I know. I would not be able to take care of my business the way that I do. We all handle situations in our lives based on our personal experience. I appreciate both the good and the bad. I appreciate the ex girlfriends. I appreciate the the former associates. I appreciate the failed attempts. All of those things make it possible to do better the next time. It used to bother me. It used to make me upset. I used to think that it was possible to be perfect. But what is perfection other than a collection of mistakes being rolled into a flawless final packaging? A diamond isn't exquisitely chiseled and fine cut when it comes from the ground. Gold doesn't have its divine glimmer straight from the earth. Janet Jackson wasn't that sexy when she was first born. All things have to grow into "Themselves". They have to be given the chance to become what they are. That's the way it works. With everything.

So maybe I'll fail miserably. Everything that I'm trying to do just suddenly crumbles into a confusing heap of ill timed events. Maybe I'll just slump over into a depressive lump of a man and grab a warm blanket in search of an unoccupied street corner to call home. It may happen. It may not. I'm ready for whatever.

"We struggle to come into this world and they call that birth. We struggle to stay alive and they call that life. We struggle not to go out of existence, hanging on until the very last cell in our brain flickers out of commission, and we call that quest for immortality." This is life people.

It is what it is.

The five o five : Thursday, December 13, 2007

Again for The First Time

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"I really don't think I try to to be different I think different is something that just happens. I think that standing out from the pack is just an evolutionary trait that one in one billion of us develop in order to carry the human race forward. People hate me because I'm not like them. I hate them because they're not like me. We don't understand each other and thus begins the eternal struggle of the ages."

"Have you ever wondered wondered how the rest of the world sees you? Have you ever wondered what you look like to everyone else compared to what you think you look like to everyone else? Are you as nice as you think you are? Are you as hot as you try to be? Are you really even that smart?"

"Let me be the first to admit that sometimes I do too much. I look around at this great big old world and think to myself I'm not doing enough. I try to cram as many experiences as I possibly can into this one lifetime because I'm not guaranteed tomorrow and I have no idea if I'm coming back or not. I'm trying to get it all done in one shot but that comes with definite consequences."

"How many of us know that guy? You know, the one that no matter how much you say you have done or no matter where you say you have been he (or she) has done more or been further. How many of us have "that guy" as our best friend? How many of us have "that guy in our family? How many of us are "that guy"?"

For anyone paying attention you would know that all of the above were excerpts from "past" posts from the five o five [5:05 what is the five o five link] but what if all of this has happened before? What if you and I have already met in this same exact way a billion times before? This blog has already been written. This sequence of events already has been performed. How would you feel if I told you that I know how it all ends?

I thought of the concept of reincarnation once ore twice before and when I was younger I used to tell people that I was a wizard in a past life. They would laugh, point, giggle and whisper just as Jr. High classmates are supposed to react to such a statement but I was serious (or at least I thought I was. Ever since I was three the world seem oddly familiar just like a rerun of a T.V. show that you forgot that you've watched already. You know who the characters are and you know what they may or may not say or do next. Its not clairvoyance but it honestly feels like you're doing it again. This is back when I was nine. I used to just file it under the heading of Dejavü but now I think its a bit more complex then that.

What if all of this, this entire interconnected series of events we loosely refer to as "reality", has been done before. What if this life is some complicated entrance exam testing our human soul for admittance into the next level of existence? Could it possibly be that every time we fail we have to start over and do it again except the second (or 20th) time around we are allowed an instinctual twinge that lets us know that we've done this once before?

Its quite the disturbing thought to imagine that life only moves in one big circle. How would you deal with it? Let's say the next time everything repeats itself you somehow remember it all. You are 100% conscious of the events to come and you have the ability to act on or against all that is "destined" to be. Would you anything to change things or would you just continually relive your life the same way over and over?

Who knows how this all works. Reincarnation, Heaven [wiki Heaven], Hell[wiki Hell], Nirvana[wiki Nirvana], Purgatory [wiki Purgatory], The Afterlife, The Elysian Fields [wiki Elysian Fields], Miami, these are all the dreams the final resting places that mortals hope to discover once they cross over. We hope to find more then "end credits" at the conclusion of our life. It would be nice to know who produced, wrote, and directed my existence but most of us want to see what's next as though this ride was not exciting enough. We want to go on to "A better place" but wouldn't it be totally disappointing if this is all there was? We would like to think that there is a god up there that will weed out all of the bad elements so that when we reach our final destination [imdb Final Destination] we can lay back and relax on some sort of spiritual extended vacation. But what if we are spit right back out of the same passage of birth into the same life until we get it right?

This could be the 100th time I've written this blog. This could be the 100th time you've read it. This time I want to make sure its closer to where it should be. This time you actually might like it. This time I hope I made my point. Again...

The five o five : Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Out of the Box

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I really don't think I try to to be different I think different is something that just happens. I think that standing out from the pack is just an evolutionary trait that one in one billion of us develop in order to carry the human race forward. People hate me because I'm not like them. I hate them because they're not like me. We don't understand each other and thus begins the eternal struggle of the ages.

Forget everything you were taught as a child about evolution or creationism for just one second. Now replace all of that stuff in your head with Tiggaism. Lets imagine that in the beginning the earth was covered in Jello pudding (try not to think about Bill Cosby because he has nothing to do with this [you tube Jello]). Lets say somehow lightning strikes the jiggly Jello earth surface and through some complex scientifical God inspired Allah praising Buddha approved process, life emerges. This life, this small single celled Jello based life [ea games spore] is nothing more than a single celled blob wriggling around in a microscopic universe of sweet Jello goodness. This wriggling protoform is not alone. He soon finds he has friends all with the same slimy, pulsing blob like features and traits. He jiggles over to greet one of his Jello-kins and just as he is in range to reshape his full form into a hand to wave a full bodied "hello", SLURP. He is sucked into oblivion by what he thought was his friend.

So now we see that this Jello world is full of competing little blobs of slime all slurping each other other up so as to be the last blob swimming. Then comes along a blob that stands out a bit. This blob is a little less blob then the rest. This blob has features that the rest of the blobs can't quite comprehend. This blob has an extra little wriggling thing on his back side and an odd solid thing protruding from his front end. The wriggling thing on his back would be a tail and the solid thing on his front would be his mouth (but it looks just like a straw). The rest of the Jelloites are both intrigued yet fearful at the same time. Most of them want to befriend this new blob kind because they are not sure if he can harm them or not. A few of them just avoid him because they are not sure if he is abnormal in any way. Yet some of them try to challenge him because they just think he's showing off.

So the challengers step up. They approach him from the blind side ready to swoop and slurp but this blob elite out maneuvers every one. They try to take him out at every opportunity but he just can't be slurped that easily. They team up and come at him in mobs but his wriggling tail end makes him quicker then all the rest. They just can't stop him. Then, without warning, he slurps them all in with one single effortless draw. His long straw like mouth makes it easy and because it is Jello it also tastes great.

Let's fast forward a few Billion years beyond our "Jello" origin into the Jello Pre-historia. This single celled Jello being has now evolved into a multi celled Jello man. This Jello man looks like the rest of the Jello men around him except for the fact that he is a little bit smarter than the rest. All Jello men know that it is not wise to go out into the rain for Jello kind have a tendency to melt under the drops from the sky. Yet the rest of the Jello men always get caught off guard whenever the rain begins to fall. They never seem to see it coming. This advanced Jello man figured it out though. He noticed that whenever the sky turned pink that a rumbling would resonate from behind the fluffy cotton candy clouds that soon after rain would fall. The fizzy Mountain Dew [Mountain dew web site] drops would fall and sizzle on the ground. The advanced Jello man tried to tell the rest of his kin this but none would believe him and so they would go out and sure enough be fizzed to death by the carbonated sky hell. This continues to happen until all that is left is the one who tried to warn the rest. He is the one smart enough to stay out of the element. He even invents an umbrella so he wouldn't have to hide when it rains and he also wouldn't accidentally get caught in the downpour. A few billion years after that he evolves into me.

I am the advanced Jello man from the beginning of time. The one not afraid to stand out. People look at me just the same as my single celled brethren once did. Some want to be my friend while others either want to destroy me or fear me all together. No one wants to feel inferior but that's not the vibe I intentionally emit. That's not what "we" try to do for I am not the only one. There are many other's out there who stand out from the pack. We don't fit the (Jello) mold that the rest of humanity was crafted with. We have extra appendages and tools not bestowed on all others. We stand out but not due to any effort on our part but because (get ready for the "g" word) that's the way god made us. Maybe we are evolutionary accidents. Maybe we are evolutionary experiments? Either way we are not the same.

It used to bother me that I was different. I used to think everyone else knew the things I knew and could do the things I did. I used to show off in public and instead of receiving praise and accolades I would get jeers and ridicule. I didn't like being different. I didn't like knowing more than others. I tried to pretend my differences away. I tried to dumb myself down. I wasn't happy with my straw or my tail. I wanted them gone. I tried to sever them with ignorance and tried to hide them with antics. Noe of that worked. People can sense you are different. Sometimes you just just get tired of being "special".

I'm fine with them now. In adult hood I learned how to use my extras to my advantage. Women are attracted to men with bigger "straws" and my tail gives me the maneuverability I need to keep moving. You just have to learn to be comfortable with being different. You just have to learn to accept who you are. Just because you have more doesn't make you any better than anyone else. Just because you have less doesn't mean you are less. Be at peace with who you are and you will eventually find your place.

The rules for a Jello world apply to us all. Are you happy with who you are?

Anyone want some Jello?

The five o five : Monday, December 10, 2007

Besides Myself

_{[1]<- What's This}

K A R M A
"
Reality creeps around the corner and rests besides you. He whispers in your ear the true feelings and emotions that such a dilemma would conjure in a similar situation. You shudder in disbelief. You see everything about "you" through someone else's eyes. You are not who you thought you were (good or bad).
"

Have you ever wondered wondered how the rest of the world sees you? Have you ever wondered what you look like to everyone else compared to what you think you look like to everyone else? Are you as nice as you think you are? Are you as hot as you try to be? Are you really even that smart?

Lets imagine right now I have a machine right in front of me that allows you to transfer your consciousness into another living human being. It can be anyone one else you want that is directly connected to your life right now (I had to clear that up for all of you "I want to be Pam Anderson" pervs - you know what I'm talking about). Let's pretend that this machine will allow you to be this other person for a full day but only as long as you interact with your former self throughout the day as you normally would if you were your normal self. Think about all of things that you do. Think about the way the original you treats the you you are now.

Imagine a full day gone by. You lay down to rest at night's end and you close your eyes and beam of white light shines through your window. Along with this white light floats in the "Karma" fairy to judge your experience. The Karma Fairy sits at the edge of your bed and begins to question you about your day? (If you like you can answer these questions on your own but think seriously about the answers). Her questions go like this;

1. Who did you become today?
2. What is their relationship to you?
3. Was the former you nice to the new you?
4. Did you argue with yourself?
5. What do you think of the old you's appearance?
6. What did you like about the old you?
7. What would you change about the old you?
8. Do you think the old you was nice or mean?
9. If you were stuck in the body of the new you for the rest of your life would you and the old you be able to be as close as you are?
10. Do you see the anything you think you should change about the old you so you and the new you can get along better?
    

The fairy scribbles all of her answers down into a regular composition book and you answer as carefully as you can, nervously twirling a pinch of the sheet between your fingers. She jots hurried notes in between each of your responses as you reflect back on your day. You mentally replay the events of the day walking through each scene of your memories as though its almost possible to change the past.

K A R M A
"
You look down at your pillow and then directly out into the blinding beam. You were searching for the easy answer. The one that lived somewhere within the room but it was nowhere to be found. You were hoping this was a trick question, one of rhetorical nature. One for which there were no right or wrong answer just like those survey you used to take in grade school. You clear your throat and prepare to say whatever would come out. You turn to the Karma Fairy and she looks at you with her glowing red eyes. You lick your lips.
"

It starts out as sunflowers and green pastures. You and the person you chose to be running open armed (in slow motion) [you tube slow motion run] through wind whipped flowers towards each other. The skies suddenly turn grey. The clouds begin spitting down upon your heads. Smiles and happiness transform into panicked scurrying for shelter. The two of you run into the nearest enclosure which is nothing more than an old cabin. The simple droplets have now become a torrential downpour. You are trapped in the rickety cabin with you former self. Reality creeps around the corner and rests besides you. He whispers in your ear the true feelings and emotions that such a dilemma would conjure in a similar situation. You shudder in disbelief. You see everything about "you" through someone else's eyes. You are not who you thought you were (good or bad). The rain beats down harder and the air in the room grows more thick. There is a tension present. It squeezes the truth out of you. It forces you to say how you truly feel. The old you looks distant and disinterested.

You talk slowly and with a smile at first. The old you turns away. Reality giggles and whispers even more truth into you eardrums. Your friendly smile redraws itself into a concerned grin. Calm is slowly changing into anger. On and on you talk and talk. Your honest concerns all ignored by your former self. Tears began to mime the raindrops and you stand to your feet ready and willing to be stuck by lightning to endure anther minute of this blatant disregard. You turn to walk away moving slow enough so that the old you will notice your action. You invest every once of you energy into each shuffled step. Your former self is not looking. You take three steps forward and turn back. The old you doesn't notice. You move three more paces ahead and peek over your shoulder. The old you is still sitting there. You take 5 steps this time and then look behind you only out of the corner of your eye. The old is just staring at the ceiling. You burst out into an all out tear driven stride and just as you shaking hand grips the door knob the old you stands up and shouts, "What's wrong?"

The question echoes almost infinitely in your mind.

"What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong?"

"HEY BUDDY WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!?" The Karma Fairy shouts.

You are shocked back into this surreal "reality" back in the room with the beam of light.

"You never answered the last question," the Karma fairy says half concerned and half irritated.

"Are you back now?"

"Yes" you reply.

"Good. Now I was asking on a scale of one to ten how would you rate the way you treated yourself today?"

You look down at your pillow and then directly out into the blinding beam. You were searching for the easy answer. The one that lived somewhere within the room but it was nowhere to be found. You were hoping this was a trick question, one of rhetorical nature. One for which there were no right or wrong answer just like those survey you used to take in grade school. You clear your throat and prepare to say whatever would come out. You turn to the Karma Fairy and she looks at you with her glowing red eyes. You lick your lips.

Before you can speak loud irritating screeches zip through the air like well aimed sound bullets. You clasp your hands over your ears to muffle the blow but it doesn't work. You look up at the Karma Fairy and her eyes now appear as digital numbers on his face. Both of her eyes look like the number five and his nose is also glowing red. Her nose is a zero.

"5".

"0".

"5".

His face reads 5:05!

The sound bullets are now zipping past your ears and nipping at your eye lids. The sheets begin to swirl around you and there is gentle nudging in your side. You unclasp your ears and the screeching is now more familiar. It is the alarm clock. You spring to your feet and sprint over to turn it off as not to disturb a single moment more of the once peaceful scene. The Karma Fairy is now gone but the question still lingered. You look over at he person you dreamed of trading places with. You understand a little better how she feels now. You pull on some comfortable attire, glide down the stairs and begin to type.

The Five o five : Monday, December 10, 2007

The question still lingers but today is a new day. Reality peeks at you through the window, smiling.

Today is a new day...

The five o five : Thursday, December 6, 2007

Growing Pains

<sub>[2]<- What's This

Watching:Alien Happy Birthday</sub>

Well here I am. One year older. One year wiser. My birthday was Tuesday [Sojourner Truth news article] so I'm supposedly one year better than I was 2 days ago. I'm not exactly sure how this is supposed to work. Do I package all of my old vices up in a box and mail them off to some undisclosed location then sit around waiting for them to ship my new maturity and experience to me (priority overnight next-day air)? Am I supposed to walk a lil' bit mo' upright and speak a lil' mo' properly then I did a week ago? We never really notice ourselves growing older but suddenly, here we are, 27 years old with an eight year old daughter [Destiney Pic] and 7 years at the same job [SETT MySpace]. Before you know it your life has an impressive resumé [Ziggs Profile resumé] minus the 4 failed relationships in the same time and the "I still need to finish college" thing. That's no issue though. I never see anything as "too late". I'm one year older and ready for anything.

I used to think that things would be really different for me at this point but not really in a bad way. All the people I looked up to (when I was 18 and 19) were 25 and older [Jeff Johnson hiphopdx.com]. My ultimate idol is still Russel Simmons [Russel Simmons link] and he is like 60 something but still runs around and cusses and raps and doesn't look like he's slowing down any time soon. That's how I imagine I'll be by then. The old man that gets yelled at for "not acting his age". The old man than runs foot races against his grandsons at the family reunion. The cool grandpa that can do a back flip (I'll have to learn ho to back flip) off of the kitchen counter. I don't see getting older as slowing down I see it as picking up momentum.

They describe everything past 50 as "Over the hill" so why wouldn't I speed up at that point. If I'm going down hill then why would would I ride the brake? I'm looking forward to sitting around on my porch talking about the time when cars didn't fly and T.V. was only 2 dimensional. I can't wait to tell my great grandkids about Tupac and Biggie almost as though they themselves were Jesus incarnate and them telling me how played out rap is now. I can then see me hopping on a hover board or some levi-skates to show off some of the moves I used to do back in my day where we did the same thing but on a linoleum floor with plastic wheels [You Tube roller skating]. All the while President Destiney Kight [Desitney Pic] is on television telling the nation how her dad is crazy because he just won't slow down and Mayor Daylen [Daylen flickr] has just been nominated as "Man of the year" for the 10th year in a row.

Here I am, one day older. I will never see it as one day closer to the end. I've only just begun. I still have a full life ahead of me.

On your Mark.

Get Set!

Go!

The five o five : Monday, December 3, 2007

Ctrl+Alt+Delete

_{[1]<- What's This}

Let me be the first to admit that sometimes I do too much. I look around at this great big old world and think to myself I'm not doing enough. I try to cram as many experiences as I possibly can into this one lifetime because I'm not guaranteed tomorrow and I have no idea if I'm coming back or not. I'm trying to get it all done in one shot but that comes with definite consequences.

R E S E T
"
It tickles me now to hear children talk about, "When I grow up," because I still sometimes feel like I'm waiting to grow up myself (even at 27). I still don't feel grown. I still don't feel that burden of responsibility that an "Adult" is described as having looming over their head like a dark cloud. The dark burden that often leads to alcoholism and drug abuse. The dark burden that leads to depressive and egotistical behavior. The dark burden that I remember looking up too when I was 5 thinking , How cool it would be to drive a car."
"

Do you remember the thing you wanted to be when you grew up from from when you were little? Some of us said fireman while others said "Super Model / Scientist" or "Police Officer / Actor". No one told us that once you honestly were set on the course of your "Dream occupation" that you were inevitably locked in even after you find that your selection was not a satisfying as your 5 year old self would imagine. Most of our younger selves (the ones that wanted to pursue multiple dreams) would be encouraged by deceitful adults into thinking that it was honestly possible to be a "World Famous Chef / Musician". The overachieving parent would even go as far as going out to buy us the Easy Bake Oven [hasbro.com Easy Bake Oven] and the big plastic microphone so we could hone our talents in the comfort of our bedroom. They would do all this because they just wanted to see us happy. But what is the sacrifice for their happiness? What were they talking about when you weren't in the room? They would smile in your face and reiterate at any given instant, "You can be whatever you wanna be," as long as you didn't wanna be something they didn't approve of. So how does that set us "Now Grown" children up for failure?

I'm gonna be 27 years old tomorrow (yep its my birthday) [Sojourner's Truth Website]. That only means that for the last 26 years I've been discovering who it is I want to become. It tickles me now to hear children talk about, "When I grow up," because I still sometimes feel like I'm waiting to grow up myself (even at 27). I still don't feel grown. I still don't feel that burden of responsibility that an "Adult" is described as having looming over their head like a dark cloud. The dark burden that often leads to alcoholism and drug abuse. The dark burden that leads to depressive and egotistical behavior. The dark burden that I remember looking up too when I was 5 thinking , How cool it would be to drive a car." I still see the world as a child would. The only difference of my 27 year old self versus my 7 year old self is that I have a child of my own [Destiney flickr]. That's it. If I could I would still play with GI Joes [GIJoe.com] and Lego blocks [legos.com]. If I could (and I have) I would still hitch a ride on a Merry Go Round and take a few hops from the swing. I like being able to enjoy life, unlike the way they want you to think that "Responsible Adults"should behave.

The kind of duplicity that I described become a burden itself, however. A child trapped in a adults' body still has to pay bills. There is no recess, nap time or cookies and juice for us at the end of the day. There are no gold stars for our effort or standing in the corner for our misdeeds. There is just cold hard reality which we still perceive with an innocent glare. Innocence has no place in the adult world. I read recently that they are even fighting to taint the youthful sanctity of video games with pornographic images and gratuitous violence. They label there debate as, "Video games need to grow up" obviously stating that being grown up means becoming as over sexed maniacal deviant. They want us to believe that being an adult purely equals the right to drink, smoke, fornicate and cuss. They want us to believe that maybe if this is not the stuff we're into then maybe we're not fit to wear the title of "Grown Up".

R E S E T
"
They love to talk about drugs and sex as though those are the problems of society but the problems of society is society itself. They try to make you something you're not and then when you finally do conform they look at you as though you committed a sin (in most cases you have).
"

I've been called childish before. Ironically it was by an 8 year old. He had seen me playing Pokemon [pokemon.com] on my Game Boy Advance [nintendo.com] and he pointed and laughed and said I was acting like a child. I was wearing a suit and tie at the time and I was sitting with my shoes off and my legs crossed enjoying my game. I told him to go away and that his words didn't phase me. I went off on a rant about how adults make the video games he called me childish for playing and he needed to stay in a child's place. I let him know that his words meant nothing and to wait until he was my age and see what he would be doing in the same situation. I pretended not to care at all but his single statement ate at my core for a long time. I went off to discover the definition of childish to validate my actions. I wanted to know for sure that I didn't fall into that category. I looked it up [dictionary.com childish]. I studied it. I wanted to be certain it didn't describe me. I discovered a loop hole. I found out I could also be labeled youthful.

Maybe after that day I began to overcompensate. That happened about 3 years ago and since then I have made a volume of changes. I began seriously thinking about what my "adult"self should be pursuing. I began to seriously think about becoming the thing I said I wanted to be. I began to go after it more seriously. I filled my days with networking and power lunches. I filled my evenings with clubbing and intoxication. It was not a lifestyle I chose for myself but the one that the adult world chose for me. I have no regrets but maybe several "I-wish-I-could-do-that-over's". That is the way the world will do you if you let it, and I did. I took everything for granted. My skills. My time. My affection. Everything that made me worth something I over did it. I thought the world wanted all of me so I share every single molecule of my being with reality. I saved nothing for myself. I would go for weeks without sleeping. I would go for months without visiting my family. I would allow a year to go by before I would even think about what I was supposed to be doing because I wanted to fit in to the "adult" world.

They love to talk about drugs and sex as though those are the problems of society but the problems of society is society itself. They try to make you something you're not and then when you finally do conform they look at you as though you committed a sin (in most cases you have). I lived a brief stint as an adult before I found that it wasn't for me. I still take care of my responsibility. I still act as though I have that stick stuck in my you-know-what around certain judgmental individuals. Sometimes you have to play the game but never let the game play you. Sometimes you have to look back on the things you've done and ahead on the things you have let to do and think about where you're standing and where you would like to stand. I want to end on top. I want to go out at the pinnacle of my game. I want to be that spry and youthful 101 year old that clocked the mess out of that would-be mugger in New York [Associated Content 101 year old woman]. I want to be George Burns with a fat cigar tucked into my jaw still singing lullaby's at 98. I want to go out clothed in my immortal youth.

Sometimes I do to much but if I honestly want to make it then I pause for a moment and take inventory of all that I'm doing to see if it matches with all that I want to do. I'm closer now than I've ever been. My graphic design is real [asublimecreation.com]. I found a way to make my own clothes [cafepress.com]. I have a wonderful family [Alisha flikr]. Just a few other things to work on. Don't be afraid to stop and reset.

Tomorrow I turn 27.

Its time for a new me.

Ctrl+Alt+Del

The five o five : Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Practice What You Preach

<sub>[1]<- What's This

Watching: Barry White (Practice What You Preach) [I was unable to find this video or mp3 of this song anywhere. Can somebody help me? Email me tigga76 at gmail.com. Thanks]</sub>

How many of us know that guy? You know, the one that no matter how much you say you have done or no matter where you say you have been he (or she) has done more or been further. How many of us have "that guy" as our best friend? How many of us have "that guy in our family? How many of us are "that guy"?

S P E A K T H E T R U T H
"
Think about it. Why are there so many sales men in clothing stores to tell our wives how pretty they look in the $200 dress they are trying on? Why does every food service person smile at us when we get our food and then tell us to have a nice day? They don't like you. They are just doing there job. We like the lies though. They make us feel good.
"

A lot seems that a lot of people want to be more than you they are which is perfectly fine by me but the people that bother me are the ones that always wanna be more than you are. I have encounter a few of those "that guys". You can't really make heads of tails of their stories and you can't really ready the truth tangled within their intricate convoluted lies. You will start the conversation out simple enough by asking a single question like, "How was your weekend?"

They will go on and on about family coming over for thanks giving and Mike Tyson getting sue d by their mom because he got in a fight with their cousin T.I. over the last piece of turkey so someone pulled out a gun and the police came they went to jail for no reason and they just got out this morning and are still kinda sleepy because they couldn't lay down on those hard beds.

After their long (often times pointless yet ultimately entertaining) story you stand there questioning whether or not to call their bluff or just move on. Most of the time we just move on. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE JUST STAND AND SHOUT LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE? Why can't these people just be honest!?

Maybe its the world we live in. I just watched (with my fiancé) I Love New York [I Love New York 2 VH1.com] last night and I just realized that T.V. is becoming "that guy" too. Not like it hasn't been already, but the major difference between T.V. shows now and T.V. shows from back in the day is that things used to be clearly labeled as Fiction and Non Fiction.

Fiction: Sitcoms, Cartoons, Soap Operas, Movies.

Non-Fiction: News, Documentaries, Talk Shows, Sports.

Theses days they all mix together in one giant stew of "IhavenocluewhatI'mlookingatrightnow" stew. For example.

Non-Fiction: News, Documentaries, Talk Shows, Sports.


Fiction: Sitcoms, Cartoons, Soap Operas, Movies, News, Documentaries, Talk Shows, Sports, News, Documentaries, Talk Shows, Sports.

You see what's going on here? You can't trust anything anymore. I used to wake up every morning just to watch Good Morning America [GMA on ABC.com] but that started to feel more and more like a "show" and less and less like the news. Maybe "that guy" is being influenced by the mess that is the media. Maybe even worse yet! "That guy" has taken over the T.V. station! I already don't fully trust the news I see, read or hear. They can no longer tell the basic story. In the media its called "spin" but in real life its called "lie".

Maybe "that guy" is now the CEO of a major television network and he finally gets a chance to share his fantasy world with the masses. His stories have gotten even bigger since then. He used to come in and tell you how over the weekend he had a foursome with two midgets and three super models but now he'll show you Flava Flav [Flavor of love casting] [you tube Flavor of Love] groping and tonguing 20 women all competing for his affection. Before he would sit around at break time and tell you that he lost 15 ponds by doing 400 crunches and 600 push ups this morning but now he can show you 13 out of work D list celebrities [Celebrity Fit Club] losing 300 pounds in 2 weeks. "Take that you ney sayers," he thinks. After all that what do we do? We drink it all down. We discuss it amongst our friends. We make bets on the outcome. WE LIKE TO BE LIED TO.

S P E A K T H E T R U T H
"
We know "that guy" isn't telling the truth but we keep going back to him. His stories are exciting. You secretly wanna be him (or at least the fantasy version of him). He is a god. He draws crowds. People love him and you wanna know something? I do too.

"

Think about it. Why are there so many sales men in clothing stores to tell our wives how pretty they look in the $200 dress they are trying on? Why does every food service person smile at us when we get our food and then tell us to have a nice day? They don't like you. They are just doing there job. We like the lies though. They make us feel good. We know "that guy" isn't telling the truth but we keep going back to him. His stories are exciting. You secretly wanna be him (or at least the fantasy version of him). He is a god. He draws crowds. People love him and you wanna know something? I do too.

For those of us that are that guy; don't let anyone stop you.

For those of us that know "that guy"; tell him that you appreciate him.

For those of us that have ever loaned money to "that guy"; you might not ever get it back.

This goes out to all the "that guys" in the world (including the ones I know and you know who you are) we love ya even if we refuse to say it?

_{POV: For more on I Love New York 2 check out this bloggers [Odarra POV]}

The five o five : Monday, November 26, 2007

Nine to Five o Five

<sub>[1]<- What's This

Watching: Mamma's and The Pappas, Monday Morning</sub>

M O N D A Y
"
The nagging thought of Monday gnaws at your conscious. It grabs you by the ear and drags you into the bathroom. You enter the cold chamber groggy and disoriented. You click the switch on the wall and the light bulb (sun) nearly burns your eyes out. You cringe at the torturous self inflicted pain but after a few splashes of cool water from the sink you begin to feel a bit more adjusted. Monday begins to settle in. Itineraries and plans (including four day weekend, unfinished business) enter the scene and take their place within the room. Monday begins to set up shop.
"

Well, it's Monday. Time to go back to work. Time to get back to the daily grind and grind out whatever needs to be "grinded". Its not that I have any problems with my job but you know how it is. You just had a four day holiday weekend. You slept till 12 on three of those four days. You walked around in your boxers and old tee shirts for the most part and didn't go outside unless it was absolutely necessary. You became a heaping pile of unwashed sloth and you enjoyed every second of it. You have a stack of unanswered mail. You have a collection of unreturned phone calls. Responsibility got evicted but you didn't like him anyway. Life was good. But now its Monday.

The 5am alarm screeches in your right ear, nudging you violently in your ribcage (or was that you fiancé?). The room spins as you stumble out of bed and in the direction of annoying morning pest of an alarm clock. You flick the switch on his back and he is easily silenced. You then pull on the comfortable unwashed attire of the four day sloth fest instantly settling into their nostalgic grip the moment they rub your skin. You pause at the warm familiar feeling, almost being lured back into the deep pit of soft, satisfying, slumber. Your eyes close and your forehead goes numb. The fluffy pillows and soft sheets call to you. Your fiancés wriggling body seduces you into Medusa's pit. You are more than willing to be turned into a statue. It feels so good. BUT NO!

The nagging thought of Monday gnaws at your conscious. It grabs you by the ear and drags you into the bathroom. You enter the cold chamber groggy and disoriented. You click the switch on the wall and the light bulb (sun) nearly burns your eyes out. You cringe at the torturous self inflicted pain but after a few splashes of cool water from the sink you begin to feel a bit more adjusted. Monday begins to settle in. Itineraries and plans (including four day weekend, unfinished business) enter the scene and take their place within the room. Monday begins to set up shop. He starts to write a to do list as you bounce down the steps. He makes long lists of things he wants for you to do and people he thinks that you should call. You cell phone greets you as you enter the living room. He delivers the list of unanswered calls to you as dizzy flashing names on his face. You silence him just as easily as the clock with just a simple flick and then you walk over to the main attraction.

Its Monday. The thought, the idea, the feeling, the realization all dance behind your forehead. For some its a relief ; For others its a burden. The morning air will soon be filled with grunts and sighs as the rest of the world is dragged out the bed in a similar matter.

The computer blinked to life as the thought was now vividly realized in my mind. My fingertips danced the words reluctantly onto the keyboard as I began this post.

The five o five : MONDAY, November 26, 2007

I hope you all had a good weekend.

I hope you all have a nice week.

_{P.S. Wouldn't Monday Morning make a good Guitar Hero Song :)}

The five o five : Sunday, November 25, 2007

Remember the Magic

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M A G I C
"
Time shuffles us down this long hallway handing us new tasks, responsibilities and even identities but who says that we have to accept them.
"

Do you remember being awake all night waiting for Santa to arrive? How about the first time you placed a tooth under your pillow; did you stay up all night waiting to catch a glittery glimpse of the tooth fairy. What about right before your big birthday party; did you endure a restless night in excited anticipation waiting for some big moment? When was the last time you felt that way? Six years old? Ten? Why is it that when we become adults things stop being so exciting? Isn't there anything still worth waiting for? Is there any magic left in the world?

For some reason, as a child, you think that being an adult is the coolest thing ever. You see all of the things your parents can do. All the special privileges and exclusive activities they can take part in and even if we don't understand them we know that we want to be a part of it some day. When we were kids adults seemed to do lots of cool things like drive, go to work, stay up late, drink alcohol, ride motor cycles, etc, etc [You Tube: HOME ALONE - loosely related]... I remember thinking it must be the bestest thing ever to be an adult.

Then reality starts to kick in. The closer you get to that world (that once fabled land of adulthood) the mask of imagination begins to be peeled off layer by layer. You start to see that the things you once thought were so great really don't hold all of the magic that you would imagine they would. You know what I mean. The big one for a lot of us (specifically males) was sex. You remember thinking that sex (like in the movies) can packaged with fireworks, confetti, streamers and a heavenly beam of light to shine down on the smiling satisfaction of two exhausted yet pleased bodies. Most of (those who remember) know that that's not how the first time ever goes [you tube Mean Girls]. Most of us had to deal with the fumbling, bumbling, "that's not the right place" or "What are you doing" scenario and if you didn't then good for you.

M A G I C
"
Who out there remembers raising your hand in school and telling the teacher that you want to be an astronaut / chef when you grow up? That's the magic I remember. You were capable of everything and anything (in your mind) because you were unbound by responsibility.
"

Where does the magic and anticipation go when we get older? Why does the world seem to grow a lot colder and un-entertaining. I remember all I had to have was a stick and a rubber band and I was good for hours. When I was younger I didn't even have video games so we definitely had to make due. There was magic everywhere. My brother and I would be in heaven (literally) right outside in the back yard. Do children even go outside anymore? Is the magic leaving even earlier now? The adult world is all about drowning you boring reality in mind altering substance so that you can have that "child like vision" again. Mind altering substance includes anything we do outside of our daily grind to keep our mind off of our daily grind and that includes not only just drugs and alcohol but television and religion as well.

Maybe the way we deal with the world is the method we evolved into in order to cope with the world. Maybe our ancestors with their fear of everything [The five o five : Scardey Cat] had to make up stories and explanations for things they didn't understand in order to finally confront them or at least deal with them. But why in our modern society are adults who are imaginative seen as childish? I was called that once and I'm starting to think that maybe that isn't such a bad thing. Why get offended at something that I really don't want to be anyway. Who says I ever wanted to grow up? Who says I have to. Time shuffles us down this long hallway handing us new tasks, responsibilities and even identities but who says that we have to accept them.

Who out there remembers raising your hand in school and telling the teacher that you want to be an astronaut / chef when you grow up? That's the magic I remember. You were capable of everything and anything (in your mind) because you were unbound by responsibility. Adults want to be children and children want to be adults. That's the way it has always been.

I'm about to be 27 in about a week and that means I'll be one step further away from the younger me and one step closer to the old, graying, pudding eating me. I don't want to grow up but I guess in the end we have no choice. My spirit is young though. I still believe the world has some magic left. Do you?

_{Happy Birthday Daylen...}

The five o five : Thursgay, Novemeber 22, 2007

Thanks & Blessings

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First of all I must say good morning, afternoon and good evening to all of you (depending on what time of the day you're reading this) and second I have to say HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Now, I'm not entirely geeked [urban dictionary geeked definition 3] about the fact that its actually Thanksgiving day (you know with the food, and the time off time off, and the food) but I more geeked that I really do have a lot to be thankful for this time.

H A P P Y H O L I D A Y
"
Why do people wait for certain holidays to to do certain things that they should be doing everyday?
"

I must warn you before I continue that I am typing this post from the soft pillowy comfort of my nice warm bed this morning because I wanted to soak in a few more hours of "snuggle time" [Alisha pic] before we head out holiday hoppin' [tigga definition Holiday Hoppin] and enjoying the day. SO yes, I'm laying here blogging, wearing nothing more than bed sheets and the warm glow of my computer screen and I'm enjoying myself. With that out of the way let's continue, shall we?

Thanksgiving is a special day designed to remind people that there are some things out there that they need to recognize. Things they should be thankful for. I had a conversation yesterday with someone who asked a profound yet simple question,
"Why do people wait for certain holidays to to do certain things that they should be doing everyday?"

I though about it and it really did make a bit of sense. We have Valentines day to think about the one we love yet many only use it to salvage a ruined relationship and not to strengthen a flourishing one. We have Christmas to remember the birth of Jesus however everyone in the world is not a Cristian so its now a day that we are supposed to be nice to one another and spend our hard earned cash on expensive gifts and items to prove it [Sears holiday sale ad]. Finally we have Thanksgiving [wikipedia Thanksgiving]. A day where it is said that the Indians and the Pilgrims bonded together and shared food and tools right before they stabbed them in the back [wikipedia Manifest Destiny] and marched them all [wikipedia Trail of Tears] off to their prospective and aptly named reservations (sorry for being so cynical). The point is, Thanksgiving is supposed to be the day of thanks but my friend and I were thinking why do people only take a day? Can't we be thankful everyday? I know I am. So, if you must know, I am going to tell the world what I'm thankful for, but not just because its Thanksgiving, but because I feel that you should know.

_{[The following appear in no particular order other than when I think of them.]}

1. First and foremost I'm thankful for my life. I have been through a lot and nearly been through a lot more and I now know that I come from a family of survivors. My mom had her serious car accident (that she survived) and then not too long ago her breast cancer [breast cancer awareness] (that she made it through) and if you saw her you would have no idea that she had any trauma anywhere during the entire course of her life. My brother [hi5 Boss Moe] (who I sometimes can't stand but only because I don't understand him) had a serious work accident (that he survived) and he would like to pretend that hes not thankful about but you can tell. And of course myself [myspace SublimeSpace] (Graphic Design extrodinaire) who has been through hurricanes, blizzards, bake outages, nervous breakdowns, unfair fights, racism, injustice, slavery (lineage counts for thanks), and just life itself. I'm thankful that I get to wake up each morning just to experience the ups and downs know as life. They drive me and give me purpose. Why else would I be up right now? Its 5am for god sakes. I'm thankful that I woke up on time.

2. I'm thankful for my beautiful daughter Destiney [Picasa Destiney]. Its kind of a long and complicated story but she is the reason I do so much (seriously). A lot of people claim that but I truly mean it. She is my driving force and she is gonna do great things some day, I just know it. She is an eight year old genius with the most humble, affectionate, kind spirit you will ever see. She is my angel and my "Partner in Crime". I know there will come a day where she may think that my jokes are corny and my hugs are icky but until that day I'm gonna soak in all the "daddyness" I can.

3. I'm thankful for my (wife to be) Alisha [picasa Alisha]. Sure, she's crazy. Sure, she makes me think I'm crazy. Sure, she makes me wanna jump out of the window of a moving car sometimes but that's the reason I love her. She challenges me. She makes me think of all the things that I refuse to process until the last possible moment. All the "stupid" important things that I wish I didn't have to deal with. She makes sure I at least have them on my mind. Without her I would probably be going crazy. I probably wouldn't have his blog (what reason would a single guy have to get up at 5am for other than to go to work?).

4. I'm thankful for all of the people that helped me get to where I am now. I know that line is super cliché but I truly believe that teachers, counselors, mentors, role models and others like them need a lot more credit than they receive (I'm one of them so I should know [myspace Settinstitute].

5. I'm thankful for my god given gifts and abilities and all of the tools that I have acquired in order to express my talents and skills and all of the people that surround me that appreciate my art and performance. Without them I wouldn't have the motivation or the drive to do the things I do and I know one day it will all pay off. I just know it [deviantArt tigga76].

6. Finally, I'm thankful for you. You are the reason I get up this dang on early in the morning because I checked the stats and I know people come on at 6am to see if I decided to call it quits or not yet but I'm still here. I'm definitely thankful for your support though. I really appreciate you.

H A P P Y H O L I D A Y
"
I guess the benefit to this whole "Thanksgiving" thing is that it does give you a second to reflect outside of the flurry of the "working world." Even though I have my obvious issues with it I am still thankful for the general concept and of course the fact that it is a day off.
"

Now, in real life this would be the point where we would sit down together at that log, table cloth covered, mahogany table covered in various holiday dishes (Turkey, cornbread, macaroni and cheese, greens, potato salad, corn, gravy, spaghetti, etc... [thanksgiving pic]) with our forks and plates in hand ready to smash [urban dictionary smash] but since this is only a digital diner engagement then allow me to leave you with this food for thought (clever huh?). Be thankful everyday for you never know which one will be your last.

That's all from me. I'm getting ready to do a little more "snuggling" before I have to head out in the cold to enjoy the warmth of the many family gathering I have planned for today. I guess the benefit to this whole "Thanksgiving" thing is that it does give you a second to reflect outside of the flurry of the "working world." Even though I have my obvious issues with it I am still thankful for the general concept and of course the fact that it is a day off.

Thank you all for reading this and I promise I'll see you later. In the mean time ask yourself this question, "What are you thankful for?" Comment Back.