The five o five : Wednesday, November 14, 2007

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“You're so special.”

“You're the best student I ever had.”

“I've never loved anyone else like I love you.”

“This is the slickest blog I have ever read!”

Any of this sound familiar? Who doesn't like to be complimented? Who doesn't like to be poured over in sweet nothings and wet sticky afterthoughts. Who among us soaks every ounce of it in with a massive portion of raspberry blushes and big white toothy cheese? Exactly. Most of us are sincere pleasure whores, it's just human nature. It's the way that we are born. It takes no energy to receive satisfaction at all. As an infant if we are hungry, we cry. If we are wet and uncomfortable, we cry. If we are tired and cranky, we cry. If we have nothing else to do, we cry. If we are crying and tired of hearing our own annoying, shrill, infant shrieking then (you guessed it), we cry loud. From that very early time most of us learn the definition of instant gratification [dictionary.com gratification]. The moment we begin bawling over food, comfort, sleep deprivation and no reason at all, most us learn that our loving and caring parents (if they were within an earshot) would soon come to rescue us from our dilemmas. So if we are all raised poised and ready to receive satisfaction and service then how do we learn to return the favor. Well if you think about it, really we don't.

P O L I T I C A L L Y C O R R E C T
"
What if Jim Carey were walking through the mall and suddenly a bowling ball in the sports shop rolls off of the top shelf onto Mr. Carey soft (possibly graying) pink head? What if the impact opened a massive bleeding gash down to his pale gray skull and he was now on the floor convulsing and shaking similar to how he did in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective? Would you laugh? Would you help him? Would you step over Mr. Carey to get to the Tennis Rackets that he is blocking?
"

In our modern world the majority of the population is just utterly selfish and unquestionably rude. (If you disagree with that statement make sure you read the entire post before shooting me with flaming comments and unfounded slurs. Thank you.) Just look at what we think is entertainment. We revel in other's pain and misfortune. It could almost be called comparative comedy because we watch and secretly think to ourselves, “I'm glad that's not me”. Jim Carey [imdb Jim Carey] specialized in that particular brand of self-immolation [dictionary.com self-immolation]. He jumps around around in a buffoonish manner bonking himself on the head with bowling balls and ferrets and such and people just laugh and laugh as though it was the funniest thing in the world. That's how we really feel. Now what if the same thing were to occur in real life? What if Jim Carey were walking through the mall and suddenly a bowling ball in the sports shop rolls off of the top shelf onto Mr. Carey soft (possibly graying) pink head? What if the impact opened a massive bleeding gash down to his pale gray skull and he was now on the floor convulsing and shaking similar to how he did in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective [you tube Ace Ventura]? Would you laugh? Would you help him? Would you step over Mr. Carey to get to the Tennis Rackets that he is blocking? Most of us would think twice because, being who is we wouldn't want to be the victim of some television prank show. But we love it when its somebody else; We hate it when its us.

We are just simply selfish, but there is nothing wrong with that. If we didn't have a sense of self preservation then we would have been dead a long time ago. All of our food and energy would be spent to the point of death on others if we weren't a bit selfish. Selfish just means to serves one's self [dictionary.com selfish]. If we don't do this then, like I said, we would just die. So how do we combat that sense of instinctual self preservation in order to serve others? We don't, we just mask and label it. It's called: Being PC.

Those in the upper echelons [dictionary.com echelon] of service are masters of being PC. They know how to serve and when to serve. They know the secret to making you feel that you are the only one that matters. They know ways to avoid offending or defending even the smallest gnat in the room. They have tact, swagger, style, charisma, whatever you call it (Its all a lie!). PC is short for Politically Correct [wikipedia politically correct]. It is a term that describes how people interact with one another without offending anyone else regardless of affiliation, race, ethnicity, etcetera. It basically means smiling when you don't feel like it. Laughing when you don't want to. Being nice to someone that you honestly don't like. Holding in a whole bunch of garbage that may eventually spontaneously combust [dictionary.com spontaneous combustion]. We do it for our own selfish reason's though.

P O L I T I C A L L Y C O R R E C T
"
Back in the cave man days you would club the mess out of someone if they tried to steal your Tyrannosaurus steak. You would do it because its what you have to do in order to eat. These days (but only because the law prohibits violence against others) we would dialog with the accused steak thief and [kindly] ask them to apologize for their gross misbehavior.
"

Yeah, the people pleaser's are the Kings and Queens of communication. They are the Presidents and CEO's of major corporations. They are the Diplomats and Prime Minister's of various countries. They represent the whole of a people so we don't have to show who we really are. We appreciate them for their efforts. They put forward all of our good qualities and none of our bad. The world thinks we're spotless. But in reality being a people pleaser is honestly a selfish endeavor. Why do we waste our time? Back in the cave man days you would club the mess out of someone if they tried to steal your Tyrannosaurus steak [wikipedia tyrannosaurus]. You would do it because its what you have to do in order to eat. These days (but only because the law prohibits violence against others) we would dialog with the accused steak thief and ask them to apologize for their gross misbehavior.

So what are the people pleaser's out to prove? A lot. Being a people pleaser makes you more likable. It reminds people of the time when they were shrieking infants and their loving parents. People pleaser's know that almost every single human being has forgotten the "real reason" you parent's would burst into the room. They bank on the fact that you don't recall that your parents were themselves....selfish. How can this be? When is the last time your crying baby (or any crying baby) woke you up from your soft comfortable slumber? Did you feel a sudden rush of irritation or enlightenment? Did you delight in your 1am journey to diaper doo doo land or did you dread every step? Crying babies get swift service because they are just a nuisance [dictionary.com nuisance][simplythebest.net crying baby.mp3] to everyone (but crying adults are even worse). So PC people attack with preemptive precision. You make people happy so they don't even have a chance to whine, moan or even complain. You bring back that special infantile feeling of satisfaction and you make it appear as though you had to invest no effort at all. People love you for your sacrifice. Almost as much as they love laughing at Jim Carey getting hit by a bus [you tube Jim Carey]. They want to be happy and PC know how to make every on happy at the same time. They know in the end it all pays off. They receive the most plush fringe benefits of any profession I know of. Diplomats, actors, public speakers. You always see them in their fine hotel rooms at the most plush parties. To us its just right. They earned it. They are holding in the very thing that we just find impossible to contain. They are the masters of deception but the champions of communication. You love them but don't trust them and they don't care (or should I say "we"). I am to a degree one of them too. Do you love me? Will you be here tomorrow at 5am to see what other wonderful ideas I've come up with? I'll make sure I have cookies and milk ready or do you prefer coffee? Is everything ok? Good.

“You are the best reader ever.”

“You're wonderful.”

“Great job, you made it to the end.”

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