The five o five: Friday, December 21, 2007

The Moment of Truth

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All of us have had that moment. That moment where we have to make a hard decision but we aren't granted a lot of time in which to do so. That moment where for the rest of the day or week or year we are always thinking to ourself, "did I do the right thing?" This moment is the one I call the moment of truth.

M O M E N T OF T R U T H
"
Life throws its sharp edged boomerangs our way and we instinctively dodge its pointed trials. But I said life throws "boomerangs". Nothing that you do goes away that easily. Nothing you decide comes without consequence.
"

Life is full of these moments but real life seems to thrive on them. These single second instances drive us towards the bigger picture. Sometimes we don't even see how it all connects. Its just one of those things that happen "to us" and we have no idea why. Something as simple as missing a bus because we were on the phone with our aunt. Something as major as the hurricane that could have taken us out of existence if we had not found a safe place to be [The five o five : Tuesday, November 20, 2007]. Things that remind us just how fragile this life is and just how serious every single choice we make can be.

Sometimes we respond mindlessly. Life throws its sharp edged boomerangs our way and we instinctively dodge its pointed trials. But I said life throws "boomerangs". Nothing that you do goes away that easily. Nothing you decide comes without consequence. Even if there were a million dollars behind "door number one" you still wonder what could have been behind doors two and three. You worry yourself with "possibility". Making those quick decisions always has a way of haunting us. Even if we let it go it doesn't let us go. It stalks us. It haunts us. It follows us all the way to the grave. Who we've slept with. The time we spent in prison. The last time we hugged our grandmother before she died. The last time we told our partner we love them before they moved on. The homework we didn't finish. The audition we couldn't make it to. The hot girl (or guy) we never said "hi" to. These seemingly insignificant seconds could have been possible the greatest events of our life. They are all doorways to "the next big thing".

M O M E N T OF T R U T H
"
Think of where you are now. Think of how you got there. Try to map out every event that led you exactly to computer screen your are looking and and the chair you sitting on. Imagine all of the other possible places you could be right now and the choices that you could have made to get there. Try to remember the most simple of these decisions but one that held the most major of consequences.
"

The moment of truth is always in our presence. Not just some, but all of our options have that same "momentous" potential. They are all intricately interconnected and unfortunately unrecognizable. You won't be able to clearly distinguish a major life event from your ride home (or maybe you would). Life sometimes leaves us clues. If you ever look back at those times where you had to stare a hard choice directly in the eyes then you know what I'm talking about. In retrospect you can see that you were "in the right place at the right time" or so they say. How many of your life changing moments were actually beyond your control. You miss your bus and then later run into a guy that offers you a ride to work but by the time you get there they say you are too late so the guy you rode with is sitting outside waiting and he then lets you know that he is the CEO of a major company and he offers you a job. Don't just shoot down my crazy idea because it hasn't happened to you (yet); It still holds the potential.

Think of where you are now. Think of how you got there. Try to map out every event that led you exactly to computer screen your are looking and and the chair you sitting on. Imagine all of the other possible places you could be right now and the choices that you could have made to get there. Try to remember the most simple of these decisions but one that held the most major of consequences. Like the push of a button or the stroke of a pen. Like the click of a mouse or the turn of a corner. Those are the times I speak of. Maybe reading this post right now is going to inspire someone to do something else. May everyone will leave Brittney Spears little sister alone [Jamie Spears MSNBC.com]. Maybe the entire world will change overnight. I'm definitely a dreamer but what better thing is there to do once you're awake at 5am, write a blog?

If this were your moment of truth. What would you do?

The five o five : Tuesday, December 18, 2007

It Is What It Is

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L I F E L E S S O N S
"
Life would lose all of its substance an become a pale gray shadow filed with simple tasks and mindless activity. The ups and downs are what make life worth living. It makes a relationship feel full. It makes the sunshine feel warm. Without the bad times or the low points we would never have anything to compare to the good times or he highs.
"

Some things we just have to learn the hard way. Some lessons just can't be skipped over or tested out of. Life is full of these. Lessons like love. Lessons like heartbreak. Lessons like tolerance. Lessons like loss. Lessons like need. Lessons like experience. Lessons that in the end build our identity and ultimately define our character. These are lessons that we must make it through our own. But what if we don't? What if we remain oblivious to the fact that there are more people on this planet other than ourselves and we are not the only ones who have gone through what we are going through right now? Could this be the answer to world peace. Identifying our similar struggles? Understanding our similar shortcomings? Teaming up with one another to battle a common obstacle whether than exaggerating our minor differences? What is the world coming to?

Over the weekend I went to go see the movie I AM LEGEND and I admit that I was extremely excited about it based solely on the previews alone [read my review on Yahoo! Movies]. The idea of being the last man on earth is a scary one but I thought to myself that a lot of act that way now anyway. We act as though no one else around us matters what-so-ever and if they were to vanish into thin air that we wouldn't miss them at all. What the movie shows, however, is that if we did ever end up being the last person on earth that we would miss that "human" connection. We would miss arguing. We would miss hugging. We would miss being able to agree or disagree with one another. Life would lose all of its substance an become a pale gray shadow filed with simple tasks and mindless activity. The ups and downs are what make life worth living. It makes a relationship feel full. It makes the sunshine feel warm. Without the bad times or the low points we would never have anything to compare to the good times or he highs.

If I were the last man on earth I would nearly lose my mind. The character in the movie spent most of his time trying to recreate the world e once lived in. He set up mannequins around town to resemble people he once knew so he could engage in regular conversation with them. It showed me that even though he knew that none of them were real that the desire for human contact is what makes us do "everything" we do. We are purely social beings. Why else is the internet so popular? Why is television a billion dollar industry? We want to see other humans doing other human things. We want to borrow lessons from their experiences so that we can identify the solutions when we encounter the situations on our own. We want to learn, live and grow. Isn't that what life is about?

L I F E L E S S O N S
"
I used to think that it was possible to be perfect. But what is perfection other than a collection of mistakes being rolled into a flawless final packaging? A diamond isn't exquisitely chiseled and fine cut when it comes from the ground. Gold doesn't have its divine glimmer straight from the earth. Janet Jackson wasn't that sexy when she was first born.
"

I remember most of my life lessons that made me who I am today. The hurricane. My first kiss. My first girlfriend. My first job. My first day of school. Moving to Toledo. Moving to North Dakota. Living in Miami. My first break up. My first sexual encounter. My first love. My friends. My first fight. My brother. My mom. My step-dad leaving. My grandmother. High school. Jr. High. Being poor. Being middle class. Being rich. Going to an art school. Being on academic probation. Going to an all black school. Being teased and talked about. Being admired and praised. Winning awards. Losing the spelling bee. Winning the relay race. Joining the Drama club. Lying to my mom. Getting a whooping. Getting a detention. Passing the Proficiency test. Getting my first check. Quitting my job. Not going to graduation. Becoming a man.

If I didn't go through all of the things I went through then I would not know all of the things I know. I would not be able to take care of my business the way that I do. We all handle situations in our lives based on our personal experience. I appreciate both the good and the bad. I appreciate the ex girlfriends. I appreciate the the former associates. I appreciate the failed attempts. All of those things make it possible to do better the next time. It used to bother me. It used to make me upset. I used to think that it was possible to be perfect. But what is perfection other than a collection of mistakes being rolled into a flawless final packaging? A diamond isn't exquisitely chiseled and fine cut when it comes from the ground. Gold doesn't have its divine glimmer straight from the earth. Janet Jackson wasn't that sexy when she was first born. All things have to grow into "Themselves". They have to be given the chance to become what they are. That's the way it works. With everything.

So maybe I'll fail miserably. Everything that I'm trying to do just suddenly crumbles into a confusing heap of ill timed events. Maybe I'll just slump over into a depressive lump of a man and grab a warm blanket in search of an unoccupied street corner to call home. It may happen. It may not. I'm ready for whatever.

"We struggle to come into this world and they call that birth. We struggle to stay alive and they call that life. We struggle not to go out of existence, hanging on until the very last cell in our brain flickers out of commission, and we call that quest for immortality." This is life people.

It is what it is.

The five o five : Thursday, December 13, 2007

Again for The First Time

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"I really don't think I try to to be different I think different is something that just happens. I think that standing out from the pack is just an evolutionary trait that one in one billion of us develop in order to carry the human race forward. People hate me because I'm not like them. I hate them because they're not like me. We don't understand each other and thus begins the eternal struggle of the ages."

"Have you ever wondered wondered how the rest of the world sees you? Have you ever wondered what you look like to everyone else compared to what you think you look like to everyone else? Are you as nice as you think you are? Are you as hot as you try to be? Are you really even that smart?"

"Let me be the first to admit that sometimes I do too much. I look around at this great big old world and think to myself I'm not doing enough. I try to cram as many experiences as I possibly can into this one lifetime because I'm not guaranteed tomorrow and I have no idea if I'm coming back or not. I'm trying to get it all done in one shot but that comes with definite consequences."

"How many of us know that guy? You know, the one that no matter how much you say you have done or no matter where you say you have been he (or she) has done more or been further. How many of us have "that guy" as our best friend? How many of us have "that guy in our family? How many of us are "that guy"?"

For anyone paying attention you would know that all of the above were excerpts from "past" posts from the five o five [5:05 what is the five o five link] but what if all of this has happened before? What if you and I have already met in this same exact way a billion times before? This blog has already been written. This sequence of events already has been performed. How would you feel if I told you that I know how it all ends?

I thought of the concept of reincarnation once ore twice before and when I was younger I used to tell people that I was a wizard in a past life. They would laugh, point, giggle and whisper just as Jr. High classmates are supposed to react to such a statement but I was serious (or at least I thought I was. Ever since I was three the world seem oddly familiar just like a rerun of a T.V. show that you forgot that you've watched already. You know who the characters are and you know what they may or may not say or do next. Its not clairvoyance but it honestly feels like you're doing it again. This is back when I was nine. I used to just file it under the heading of Dejavü but now I think its a bit more complex then that.

What if all of this, this entire interconnected series of events we loosely refer to as "reality", has been done before. What if this life is some complicated entrance exam testing our human soul for admittance into the next level of existence? Could it possibly be that every time we fail we have to start over and do it again except the second (or 20th) time around we are allowed an instinctual twinge that lets us know that we've done this once before?

Its quite the disturbing thought to imagine that life only moves in one big circle. How would you deal with it? Let's say the next time everything repeats itself you somehow remember it all. You are 100% conscious of the events to come and you have the ability to act on or against all that is "destined" to be. Would you anything to change things or would you just continually relive your life the same way over and over?

Who knows how this all works. Reincarnation, Heaven [wiki Heaven], Hell[wiki Hell], Nirvana[wiki Nirvana], Purgatory [wiki Purgatory], The Afterlife, The Elysian Fields [wiki Elysian Fields], Miami, these are all the dreams the final resting places that mortals hope to discover once they cross over. We hope to find more then "end credits" at the conclusion of our life. It would be nice to know who produced, wrote, and directed my existence but most of us want to see what's next as though this ride was not exciting enough. We want to go on to "A better place" but wouldn't it be totally disappointing if this is all there was? We would like to think that there is a god up there that will weed out all of the bad elements so that when we reach our final destination [imdb Final Destination] we can lay back and relax on some sort of spiritual extended vacation. But what if we are spit right back out of the same passage of birth into the same life until we get it right?

This could be the 100th time I've written this blog. This could be the 100th time you've read it. This time I want to make sure its closer to where it should be. This time you actually might like it. This time I hope I made my point. Again...

The five o five : Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Out of the Box

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I really don't think I try to to be different I think different is something that just happens. I think that standing out from the pack is just an evolutionary trait that one in one billion of us develop in order to carry the human race forward. People hate me because I'm not like them. I hate them because they're not like me. We don't understand each other and thus begins the eternal struggle of the ages.

Forget everything you were taught as a child about evolution or creationism for just one second. Now replace all of that stuff in your head with Tiggaism. Lets imagine that in the beginning the earth was covered in Jello pudding (try not to think about Bill Cosby because he has nothing to do with this [you tube Jello]). Lets say somehow lightning strikes the jiggly Jello earth surface and through some complex scientifical God inspired Allah praising Buddha approved process, life emerges. This life, this small single celled Jello based life [ea games spore] is nothing more than a single celled blob wriggling around in a microscopic universe of sweet Jello goodness. This wriggling protoform is not alone. He soon finds he has friends all with the same slimy, pulsing blob like features and traits. He jiggles over to greet one of his Jello-kins and just as he is in range to reshape his full form into a hand to wave a full bodied "hello", SLURP. He is sucked into oblivion by what he thought was his friend.

So now we see that this Jello world is full of competing little blobs of slime all slurping each other other up so as to be the last blob swimming. Then comes along a blob that stands out a bit. This blob is a little less blob then the rest. This blob has features that the rest of the blobs can't quite comprehend. This blob has an extra little wriggling thing on his back side and an odd solid thing protruding from his front end. The wriggling thing on his back would be a tail and the solid thing on his front would be his mouth (but it looks just like a straw). The rest of the Jelloites are both intrigued yet fearful at the same time. Most of them want to befriend this new blob kind because they are not sure if he can harm them or not. A few of them just avoid him because they are not sure if he is abnormal in any way. Yet some of them try to challenge him because they just think he's showing off.

So the challengers step up. They approach him from the blind side ready to swoop and slurp but this blob elite out maneuvers every one. They try to take him out at every opportunity but he just can't be slurped that easily. They team up and come at him in mobs but his wriggling tail end makes him quicker then all the rest. They just can't stop him. Then, without warning, he slurps them all in with one single effortless draw. His long straw like mouth makes it easy and because it is Jello it also tastes great.

Let's fast forward a few Billion years beyond our "Jello" origin into the Jello Pre-historia. This single celled Jello being has now evolved into a multi celled Jello man. This Jello man looks like the rest of the Jello men around him except for the fact that he is a little bit smarter than the rest. All Jello men know that it is not wise to go out into the rain for Jello kind have a tendency to melt under the drops from the sky. Yet the rest of the Jello men always get caught off guard whenever the rain begins to fall. They never seem to see it coming. This advanced Jello man figured it out though. He noticed that whenever the sky turned pink that a rumbling would resonate from behind the fluffy cotton candy clouds that soon after rain would fall. The fizzy Mountain Dew [Mountain dew web site] drops would fall and sizzle on the ground. The advanced Jello man tried to tell the rest of his kin this but none would believe him and so they would go out and sure enough be fizzed to death by the carbonated sky hell. This continues to happen until all that is left is the one who tried to warn the rest. He is the one smart enough to stay out of the element. He even invents an umbrella so he wouldn't have to hide when it rains and he also wouldn't accidentally get caught in the downpour. A few billion years after that he evolves into me.

I am the advanced Jello man from the beginning of time. The one not afraid to stand out. People look at me just the same as my single celled brethren once did. Some want to be my friend while others either want to destroy me or fear me all together. No one wants to feel inferior but that's not the vibe I intentionally emit. That's not what "we" try to do for I am not the only one. There are many other's out there who stand out from the pack. We don't fit the (Jello) mold that the rest of humanity was crafted with. We have extra appendages and tools not bestowed on all others. We stand out but not due to any effort on our part but because (get ready for the "g" word) that's the way god made us. Maybe we are evolutionary accidents. Maybe we are evolutionary experiments? Either way we are not the same.

It used to bother me that I was different. I used to think everyone else knew the things I knew and could do the things I did. I used to show off in public and instead of receiving praise and accolades I would get jeers and ridicule. I didn't like being different. I didn't like knowing more than others. I tried to pretend my differences away. I tried to dumb myself down. I wasn't happy with my straw or my tail. I wanted them gone. I tried to sever them with ignorance and tried to hide them with antics. Noe of that worked. People can sense you are different. Sometimes you just just get tired of being "special".

I'm fine with them now. In adult hood I learned how to use my extras to my advantage. Women are attracted to men with bigger "straws" and my tail gives me the maneuverability I need to keep moving. You just have to learn to be comfortable with being different. You just have to learn to accept who you are. Just because you have more doesn't make you any better than anyone else. Just because you have less doesn't mean you are less. Be at peace with who you are and you will eventually find your place.

The rules for a Jello world apply to us all. Are you happy with who you are?

Anyone want some Jello?

The five o five : Monday, December 10, 2007

Besides Myself

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K A R M A
"
Reality creeps around the corner and rests besides you. He whispers in your ear the true feelings and emotions that such a dilemma would conjure in a similar situation. You shudder in disbelief. You see everything about "you" through someone else's eyes. You are not who you thought you were (good or bad).
"

Have you ever wondered wondered how the rest of the world sees you? Have you ever wondered what you look like to everyone else compared to what you think you look like to everyone else? Are you as nice as you think you are? Are you as hot as you try to be? Are you really even that smart?

Lets imagine right now I have a machine right in front of me that allows you to transfer your consciousness into another living human being. It can be anyone one else you want that is directly connected to your life right now (I had to clear that up for all of you "I want to be Pam Anderson" pervs - you know what I'm talking about). Let's pretend that this machine will allow you to be this other person for a full day but only as long as you interact with your former self throughout the day as you normally would if you were your normal self. Think about all of things that you do. Think about the way the original you treats the you you are now.

Imagine a full day gone by. You lay down to rest at night's end and you close your eyes and beam of white light shines through your window. Along with this white light floats in the "Karma" fairy to judge your experience. The Karma Fairy sits at the edge of your bed and begins to question you about your day? (If you like you can answer these questions on your own but think seriously about the answers). Her questions go like this;

1. Who did you become today?
2. What is their relationship to you?
3. Was the former you nice to the new you?
4. Did you argue with yourself?
5. What do you think of the old you's appearance?
6. What did you like about the old you?
7. What would you change about the old you?
8. Do you think the old you was nice or mean?
9. If you were stuck in the body of the new you for the rest of your life would you and the old you be able to be as close as you are?
10. Do you see the anything you think you should change about the old you so you and the new you can get along better?
    

The fairy scribbles all of her answers down into a regular composition book and you answer as carefully as you can, nervously twirling a pinch of the sheet between your fingers. She jots hurried notes in between each of your responses as you reflect back on your day. You mentally replay the events of the day walking through each scene of your memories as though its almost possible to change the past.

K A R M A
"
You look down at your pillow and then directly out into the blinding beam. You were searching for the easy answer. The one that lived somewhere within the room but it was nowhere to be found. You were hoping this was a trick question, one of rhetorical nature. One for which there were no right or wrong answer just like those survey you used to take in grade school. You clear your throat and prepare to say whatever would come out. You turn to the Karma Fairy and she looks at you with her glowing red eyes. You lick your lips.
"

It starts out as sunflowers and green pastures. You and the person you chose to be running open armed (in slow motion) [you tube slow motion run] through wind whipped flowers towards each other. The skies suddenly turn grey. The clouds begin spitting down upon your heads. Smiles and happiness transform into panicked scurrying for shelter. The two of you run into the nearest enclosure which is nothing more than an old cabin. The simple droplets have now become a torrential downpour. You are trapped in the rickety cabin with you former self. Reality creeps around the corner and rests besides you. He whispers in your ear the true feelings and emotions that such a dilemma would conjure in a similar situation. You shudder in disbelief. You see everything about "you" through someone else's eyes. You are not who you thought you were (good or bad). The rain beats down harder and the air in the room grows more thick. There is a tension present. It squeezes the truth out of you. It forces you to say how you truly feel. The old you looks distant and disinterested.

You talk slowly and with a smile at first. The old you turns away. Reality giggles and whispers even more truth into you eardrums. Your friendly smile redraws itself into a concerned grin. Calm is slowly changing into anger. On and on you talk and talk. Your honest concerns all ignored by your former self. Tears began to mime the raindrops and you stand to your feet ready and willing to be stuck by lightning to endure anther minute of this blatant disregard. You turn to walk away moving slow enough so that the old you will notice your action. You invest every once of you energy into each shuffled step. Your former self is not looking. You take three steps forward and turn back. The old you doesn't notice. You move three more paces ahead and peek over your shoulder. The old you is still sitting there. You take 5 steps this time and then look behind you only out of the corner of your eye. The old is just staring at the ceiling. You burst out into an all out tear driven stride and just as you shaking hand grips the door knob the old you stands up and shouts, "What's wrong?"

The question echoes almost infinitely in your mind.

"What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong?"

"HEY BUDDY WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!?" The Karma Fairy shouts.

You are shocked back into this surreal "reality" back in the room with the beam of light.

"You never answered the last question," the Karma fairy says half concerned and half irritated.

"Are you back now?"

"Yes" you reply.

"Good. Now I was asking on a scale of one to ten how would you rate the way you treated yourself today?"

You look down at your pillow and then directly out into the blinding beam. You were searching for the easy answer. The one that lived somewhere within the room but it was nowhere to be found. You were hoping this was a trick question, one of rhetorical nature. One for which there were no right or wrong answer just like those survey you used to take in grade school. You clear your throat and prepare to say whatever would come out. You turn to the Karma Fairy and she looks at you with her glowing red eyes. You lick your lips.

Before you can speak loud irritating screeches zip through the air like well aimed sound bullets. You clasp your hands over your ears to muffle the blow but it doesn't work. You look up at the Karma Fairy and her eyes now appear as digital numbers on his face. Both of her eyes look like the number five and his nose is also glowing red. Her nose is a zero.

"5".

"0".

"5".

His face reads 5:05!

The sound bullets are now zipping past your ears and nipping at your eye lids. The sheets begin to swirl around you and there is gentle nudging in your side. You unclasp your ears and the screeching is now more familiar. It is the alarm clock. You spring to your feet and sprint over to turn it off as not to disturb a single moment more of the once peaceful scene. The Karma Fairy is now gone but the question still lingered. You look over at he person you dreamed of trading places with. You understand a little better how she feels now. You pull on some comfortable attire, glide down the stairs and begin to type.

The Five o five : Monday, December 10, 2007

The question still lingers but today is a new day. Reality peeks at you through the window, smiling.

Today is a new day...

The five o five : Thursday, December 6, 2007

Growing Pains

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Watching:Alien Happy Birthday</sub>

Well here I am. One year older. One year wiser. My birthday was Tuesday [Sojourner Truth news article] so I'm supposedly one year better than I was 2 days ago. I'm not exactly sure how this is supposed to work. Do I package all of my old vices up in a box and mail them off to some undisclosed location then sit around waiting for them to ship my new maturity and experience to me (priority overnight next-day air)? Am I supposed to walk a lil' bit mo' upright and speak a lil' mo' properly then I did a week ago? We never really notice ourselves growing older but suddenly, here we are, 27 years old with an eight year old daughter [Destiney Pic] and 7 years at the same job [SETT MySpace]. Before you know it your life has an impressive resumé [Ziggs Profile resumé] minus the 4 failed relationships in the same time and the "I still need to finish college" thing. That's no issue though. I never see anything as "too late". I'm one year older and ready for anything.

I used to think that things would be really different for me at this point but not really in a bad way. All the people I looked up to (when I was 18 and 19) were 25 and older [Jeff Johnson hiphopdx.com]. My ultimate idol is still Russel Simmons [Russel Simmons link] and he is like 60 something but still runs around and cusses and raps and doesn't look like he's slowing down any time soon. That's how I imagine I'll be by then. The old man that gets yelled at for "not acting his age". The old man than runs foot races against his grandsons at the family reunion. The cool grandpa that can do a back flip (I'll have to learn ho to back flip) off of the kitchen counter. I don't see getting older as slowing down I see it as picking up momentum.

They describe everything past 50 as "Over the hill" so why wouldn't I speed up at that point. If I'm going down hill then why would would I ride the brake? I'm looking forward to sitting around on my porch talking about the time when cars didn't fly and T.V. was only 2 dimensional. I can't wait to tell my great grandkids about Tupac and Biggie almost as though they themselves were Jesus incarnate and them telling me how played out rap is now. I can then see me hopping on a hover board or some levi-skates to show off some of the moves I used to do back in my day where we did the same thing but on a linoleum floor with plastic wheels [You Tube roller skating]. All the while President Destiney Kight [Desitney Pic] is on television telling the nation how her dad is crazy because he just won't slow down and Mayor Daylen [Daylen flickr] has just been nominated as "Man of the year" for the 10th year in a row.

Here I am, one day older. I will never see it as one day closer to the end. I've only just begun. I still have a full life ahead of me.

On your Mark.

Get Set!

Go!

The five o five : Monday, December 3, 2007

Ctrl+Alt+Delete

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Let me be the first to admit that sometimes I do too much. I look around at this great big old world and think to myself I'm not doing enough. I try to cram as many experiences as I possibly can into this one lifetime because I'm not guaranteed tomorrow and I have no idea if I'm coming back or not. I'm trying to get it all done in one shot but that comes with definite consequences.

R E S E T
"
It tickles me now to hear children talk about, "When I grow up," because I still sometimes feel like I'm waiting to grow up myself (even at 27). I still don't feel grown. I still don't feel that burden of responsibility that an "Adult" is described as having looming over their head like a dark cloud. The dark burden that often leads to alcoholism and drug abuse. The dark burden that leads to depressive and egotistical behavior. The dark burden that I remember looking up too when I was 5 thinking , How cool it would be to drive a car."
"

Do you remember the thing you wanted to be when you grew up from from when you were little? Some of us said fireman while others said "Super Model / Scientist" or "Police Officer / Actor". No one told us that once you honestly were set on the course of your "Dream occupation" that you were inevitably locked in even after you find that your selection was not a satisfying as your 5 year old self would imagine. Most of our younger selves (the ones that wanted to pursue multiple dreams) would be encouraged by deceitful adults into thinking that it was honestly possible to be a "World Famous Chef / Musician". The overachieving parent would even go as far as going out to buy us the Easy Bake Oven [hasbro.com Easy Bake Oven] and the big plastic microphone so we could hone our talents in the comfort of our bedroom. They would do all this because they just wanted to see us happy. But what is the sacrifice for their happiness? What were they talking about when you weren't in the room? They would smile in your face and reiterate at any given instant, "You can be whatever you wanna be," as long as you didn't wanna be something they didn't approve of. So how does that set us "Now Grown" children up for failure?

I'm gonna be 27 years old tomorrow (yep its my birthday) [Sojourner's Truth Website]. That only means that for the last 26 years I've been discovering who it is I want to become. It tickles me now to hear children talk about, "When I grow up," because I still sometimes feel like I'm waiting to grow up myself (even at 27). I still don't feel grown. I still don't feel that burden of responsibility that an "Adult" is described as having looming over their head like a dark cloud. The dark burden that often leads to alcoholism and drug abuse. The dark burden that leads to depressive and egotistical behavior. The dark burden that I remember looking up too when I was 5 thinking , How cool it would be to drive a car." I still see the world as a child would. The only difference of my 27 year old self versus my 7 year old self is that I have a child of my own [Destiney flickr]. That's it. If I could I would still play with GI Joes [GIJoe.com] and Lego blocks [legos.com]. If I could (and I have) I would still hitch a ride on a Merry Go Round and take a few hops from the swing. I like being able to enjoy life, unlike the way they want you to think that "Responsible Adults"should behave.

The kind of duplicity that I described become a burden itself, however. A child trapped in a adults' body still has to pay bills. There is no recess, nap time or cookies and juice for us at the end of the day. There are no gold stars for our effort or standing in the corner for our misdeeds. There is just cold hard reality which we still perceive with an innocent glare. Innocence has no place in the adult world. I read recently that they are even fighting to taint the youthful sanctity of video games with pornographic images and gratuitous violence. They label there debate as, "Video games need to grow up" obviously stating that being grown up means becoming as over sexed maniacal deviant. They want us to believe that being an adult purely equals the right to drink, smoke, fornicate and cuss. They want us to believe that maybe if this is not the stuff we're into then maybe we're not fit to wear the title of "Grown Up".

R E S E T
"
They love to talk about drugs and sex as though those are the problems of society but the problems of society is society itself. They try to make you something you're not and then when you finally do conform they look at you as though you committed a sin (in most cases you have).
"

I've been called childish before. Ironically it was by an 8 year old. He had seen me playing Pokemon [pokemon.com] on my Game Boy Advance [nintendo.com] and he pointed and laughed and said I was acting like a child. I was wearing a suit and tie at the time and I was sitting with my shoes off and my legs crossed enjoying my game. I told him to go away and that his words didn't phase me. I went off on a rant about how adults make the video games he called me childish for playing and he needed to stay in a child's place. I let him know that his words meant nothing and to wait until he was my age and see what he would be doing in the same situation. I pretended not to care at all but his single statement ate at my core for a long time. I went off to discover the definition of childish to validate my actions. I wanted to know for sure that I didn't fall into that category. I looked it up [dictionary.com childish]. I studied it. I wanted to be certain it didn't describe me. I discovered a loop hole. I found out I could also be labeled youthful.

Maybe after that day I began to overcompensate. That happened about 3 years ago and since then I have made a volume of changes. I began seriously thinking about what my "adult"self should be pursuing. I began to seriously think about becoming the thing I said I wanted to be. I began to go after it more seriously. I filled my days with networking and power lunches. I filled my evenings with clubbing and intoxication. It was not a lifestyle I chose for myself but the one that the adult world chose for me. I have no regrets but maybe several "I-wish-I-could-do-that-over's". That is the way the world will do you if you let it, and I did. I took everything for granted. My skills. My time. My affection. Everything that made me worth something I over did it. I thought the world wanted all of me so I share every single molecule of my being with reality. I saved nothing for myself. I would go for weeks without sleeping. I would go for months without visiting my family. I would allow a year to go by before I would even think about what I was supposed to be doing because I wanted to fit in to the "adult" world.

They love to talk about drugs and sex as though those are the problems of society but the problems of society is society itself. They try to make you something you're not and then when you finally do conform they look at you as though you committed a sin (in most cases you have). I lived a brief stint as an adult before I found that it wasn't for me. I still take care of my responsibility. I still act as though I have that stick stuck in my you-know-what around certain judgmental individuals. Sometimes you have to play the game but never let the game play you. Sometimes you have to look back on the things you've done and ahead on the things you have let to do and think about where you're standing and where you would like to stand. I want to end on top. I want to go out at the pinnacle of my game. I want to be that spry and youthful 101 year old that clocked the mess out of that would-be mugger in New York [Associated Content 101 year old woman]. I want to be George Burns with a fat cigar tucked into my jaw still singing lullaby's at 98. I want to go out clothed in my immortal youth.

Sometimes I do to much but if I honestly want to make it then I pause for a moment and take inventory of all that I'm doing to see if it matches with all that I want to do. I'm closer now than I've ever been. My graphic design is real [asublimecreation.com]. I found a way to make my own clothes [cafepress.com]. I have a wonderful family [Alisha flikr]. Just a few other things to work on. Don't be afraid to stop and reset.

Tomorrow I turn 27.

Its time for a new me.

Ctrl+Alt+Del

The five o five : Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Practice What You Preach

<sub>[1]<- What's This

Watching: Barry White (Practice What You Preach) [I was unable to find this video or mp3 of this song anywhere. Can somebody help me? Email me tigga76 at gmail.com. Thanks]</sub>

How many of us know that guy? You know, the one that no matter how much you say you have done or no matter where you say you have been he (or she) has done more or been further. How many of us have "that guy" as our best friend? How many of us have "that guy in our family? How many of us are "that guy"?

S P E A K T H E T R U T H
"
Think about it. Why are there so many sales men in clothing stores to tell our wives how pretty they look in the $200 dress they are trying on? Why does every food service person smile at us when we get our food and then tell us to have a nice day? They don't like you. They are just doing there job. We like the lies though. They make us feel good.
"

A lot seems that a lot of people want to be more than you they are which is perfectly fine by me but the people that bother me are the ones that always wanna be more than you are. I have encounter a few of those "that guys". You can't really make heads of tails of their stories and you can't really ready the truth tangled within their intricate convoluted lies. You will start the conversation out simple enough by asking a single question like, "How was your weekend?"

They will go on and on about family coming over for thanks giving and Mike Tyson getting sue d by their mom because he got in a fight with their cousin T.I. over the last piece of turkey so someone pulled out a gun and the police came they went to jail for no reason and they just got out this morning and are still kinda sleepy because they couldn't lay down on those hard beds.

After their long (often times pointless yet ultimately entertaining) story you stand there questioning whether or not to call their bluff or just move on. Most of the time we just move on. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE JUST STAND AND SHOUT LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE? Why can't these people just be honest!?

Maybe its the world we live in. I just watched (with my fiancé) I Love New York [I Love New York 2 VH1.com] last night and I just realized that T.V. is becoming "that guy" too. Not like it hasn't been already, but the major difference between T.V. shows now and T.V. shows from back in the day is that things used to be clearly labeled as Fiction and Non Fiction.

Fiction: Sitcoms, Cartoons, Soap Operas, Movies.

Non-Fiction: News, Documentaries, Talk Shows, Sports.

Theses days they all mix together in one giant stew of "IhavenocluewhatI'mlookingatrightnow" stew. For example.

Non-Fiction: News, Documentaries, Talk Shows, Sports.


Fiction: Sitcoms, Cartoons, Soap Operas, Movies, News, Documentaries, Talk Shows, Sports, News, Documentaries, Talk Shows, Sports.

You see what's going on here? You can't trust anything anymore. I used to wake up every morning just to watch Good Morning America [GMA on ABC.com] but that started to feel more and more like a "show" and less and less like the news. Maybe "that guy" is being influenced by the mess that is the media. Maybe even worse yet! "That guy" has taken over the T.V. station! I already don't fully trust the news I see, read or hear. They can no longer tell the basic story. In the media its called "spin" but in real life its called "lie".

Maybe "that guy" is now the CEO of a major television network and he finally gets a chance to share his fantasy world with the masses. His stories have gotten even bigger since then. He used to come in and tell you how over the weekend he had a foursome with two midgets and three super models but now he'll show you Flava Flav [Flavor of love casting] [you tube Flavor of Love] groping and tonguing 20 women all competing for his affection. Before he would sit around at break time and tell you that he lost 15 ponds by doing 400 crunches and 600 push ups this morning but now he can show you 13 out of work D list celebrities [Celebrity Fit Club] losing 300 pounds in 2 weeks. "Take that you ney sayers," he thinks. After all that what do we do? We drink it all down. We discuss it amongst our friends. We make bets on the outcome. WE LIKE TO BE LIED TO.

S P E A K T H E T R U T H
"
We know "that guy" isn't telling the truth but we keep going back to him. His stories are exciting. You secretly wanna be him (or at least the fantasy version of him). He is a god. He draws crowds. People love him and you wanna know something? I do too.

"

Think about it. Why are there so many sales men in clothing stores to tell our wives how pretty they look in the $200 dress they are trying on? Why does every food service person smile at us when we get our food and then tell us to have a nice day? They don't like you. They are just doing there job. We like the lies though. They make us feel good. We know "that guy" isn't telling the truth but we keep going back to him. His stories are exciting. You secretly wanna be him (or at least the fantasy version of him). He is a god. He draws crowds. People love him and you wanna know something? I do too.

For those of us that are that guy; don't let anyone stop you.

For those of us that know "that guy"; tell him that you appreciate him.

For those of us that have ever loaned money to "that guy"; you might not ever get it back.

This goes out to all the "that guys" in the world (including the ones I know and you know who you are) we love ya even if we refuse to say it?

_{POV: For more on I Love New York 2 check out this bloggers [Odarra POV]}

The five o five : Monday, November 26, 2007

Nine to Five o Five

<sub>[1]<- What's This

Watching: Mamma's and The Pappas, Monday Morning</sub>

M O N D A Y
"
The nagging thought of Monday gnaws at your conscious. It grabs you by the ear and drags you into the bathroom. You enter the cold chamber groggy and disoriented. You click the switch on the wall and the light bulb (sun) nearly burns your eyes out. You cringe at the torturous self inflicted pain but after a few splashes of cool water from the sink you begin to feel a bit more adjusted. Monday begins to settle in. Itineraries and plans (including four day weekend, unfinished business) enter the scene and take their place within the room. Monday begins to set up shop.
"

Well, it's Monday. Time to go back to work. Time to get back to the daily grind and grind out whatever needs to be "grinded". Its not that I have any problems with my job but you know how it is. You just had a four day holiday weekend. You slept till 12 on three of those four days. You walked around in your boxers and old tee shirts for the most part and didn't go outside unless it was absolutely necessary. You became a heaping pile of unwashed sloth and you enjoyed every second of it. You have a stack of unanswered mail. You have a collection of unreturned phone calls. Responsibility got evicted but you didn't like him anyway. Life was good. But now its Monday.

The 5am alarm screeches in your right ear, nudging you violently in your ribcage (or was that you fiancé?). The room spins as you stumble out of bed and in the direction of annoying morning pest of an alarm clock. You flick the switch on his back and he is easily silenced. You then pull on the comfortable unwashed attire of the four day sloth fest instantly settling into their nostalgic grip the moment they rub your skin. You pause at the warm familiar feeling, almost being lured back into the deep pit of soft, satisfying, slumber. Your eyes close and your forehead goes numb. The fluffy pillows and soft sheets call to you. Your fiancés wriggling body seduces you into Medusa's pit. You are more than willing to be turned into a statue. It feels so good. BUT NO!

The nagging thought of Monday gnaws at your conscious. It grabs you by the ear and drags you into the bathroom. You enter the cold chamber groggy and disoriented. You click the switch on the wall and the light bulb (sun) nearly burns your eyes out. You cringe at the torturous self inflicted pain but after a few splashes of cool water from the sink you begin to feel a bit more adjusted. Monday begins to settle in. Itineraries and plans (including four day weekend, unfinished business) enter the scene and take their place within the room. Monday begins to set up shop. He starts to write a to do list as you bounce down the steps. He makes long lists of things he wants for you to do and people he thinks that you should call. You cell phone greets you as you enter the living room. He delivers the list of unanswered calls to you as dizzy flashing names on his face. You silence him just as easily as the clock with just a simple flick and then you walk over to the main attraction.

Its Monday. The thought, the idea, the feeling, the realization all dance behind your forehead. For some its a relief ; For others its a burden. The morning air will soon be filled with grunts and sighs as the rest of the world is dragged out the bed in a similar matter.

The computer blinked to life as the thought was now vividly realized in my mind. My fingertips danced the words reluctantly onto the keyboard as I began this post.

The five o five : MONDAY, November 26, 2007

I hope you all had a good weekend.

I hope you all have a nice week.

_{P.S. Wouldn't Monday Morning make a good Guitar Hero Song :)}

The five o five : Sunday, November 25, 2007

Remember the Magic

_{[1]<- What's This}

M A G I C
"
Time shuffles us down this long hallway handing us new tasks, responsibilities and even identities but who says that we have to accept them.
"

Do you remember being awake all night waiting for Santa to arrive? How about the first time you placed a tooth under your pillow; did you stay up all night waiting to catch a glittery glimpse of the tooth fairy. What about right before your big birthday party; did you endure a restless night in excited anticipation waiting for some big moment? When was the last time you felt that way? Six years old? Ten? Why is it that when we become adults things stop being so exciting? Isn't there anything still worth waiting for? Is there any magic left in the world?

For some reason, as a child, you think that being an adult is the coolest thing ever. You see all of the things your parents can do. All the special privileges and exclusive activities they can take part in and even if we don't understand them we know that we want to be a part of it some day. When we were kids adults seemed to do lots of cool things like drive, go to work, stay up late, drink alcohol, ride motor cycles, etc, etc [You Tube: HOME ALONE - loosely related]... I remember thinking it must be the bestest thing ever to be an adult.

Then reality starts to kick in. The closer you get to that world (that once fabled land of adulthood) the mask of imagination begins to be peeled off layer by layer. You start to see that the things you once thought were so great really don't hold all of the magic that you would imagine they would. You know what I mean. The big one for a lot of us (specifically males) was sex. You remember thinking that sex (like in the movies) can packaged with fireworks, confetti, streamers and a heavenly beam of light to shine down on the smiling satisfaction of two exhausted yet pleased bodies. Most of (those who remember) know that that's not how the first time ever goes [you tube Mean Girls]. Most of us had to deal with the fumbling, bumbling, "that's not the right place" or "What are you doing" scenario and if you didn't then good for you.

M A G I C
"
Who out there remembers raising your hand in school and telling the teacher that you want to be an astronaut / chef when you grow up? That's the magic I remember. You were capable of everything and anything (in your mind) because you were unbound by responsibility.
"

Where does the magic and anticipation go when we get older? Why does the world seem to grow a lot colder and un-entertaining. I remember all I had to have was a stick and a rubber band and I was good for hours. When I was younger I didn't even have video games so we definitely had to make due. There was magic everywhere. My brother and I would be in heaven (literally) right outside in the back yard. Do children even go outside anymore? Is the magic leaving even earlier now? The adult world is all about drowning you boring reality in mind altering substance so that you can have that "child like vision" again. Mind altering substance includes anything we do outside of our daily grind to keep our mind off of our daily grind and that includes not only just drugs and alcohol but television and religion as well.

Maybe the way we deal with the world is the method we evolved into in order to cope with the world. Maybe our ancestors with their fear of everything [The five o five : Scardey Cat] had to make up stories and explanations for things they didn't understand in order to finally confront them or at least deal with them. But why in our modern society are adults who are imaginative seen as childish? I was called that once and I'm starting to think that maybe that isn't such a bad thing. Why get offended at something that I really don't want to be anyway. Who says I ever wanted to grow up? Who says I have to. Time shuffles us down this long hallway handing us new tasks, responsibilities and even identities but who says that we have to accept them.

Who out there remembers raising your hand in school and telling the teacher that you want to be an astronaut / chef when you grow up? That's the magic I remember. You were capable of everything and anything (in your mind) because you were unbound by responsibility. Adults want to be children and children want to be adults. That's the way it has always been.

I'm about to be 27 in about a week and that means I'll be one step further away from the younger me and one step closer to the old, graying, pudding eating me. I don't want to grow up but I guess in the end we have no choice. My spirit is young though. I still believe the world has some magic left. Do you?

_{Happy Birthday Daylen...}

The five o five : Thursgay, Novemeber 22, 2007

Thanks & Blessings

_{[1]<- What's This}


First of all I must say good morning, afternoon and good evening to all of you (depending on what time of the day you're reading this) and second I have to say HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Now, I'm not entirely geeked [urban dictionary geeked definition 3] about the fact that its actually Thanksgiving day (you know with the food, and the time off time off, and the food) but I more geeked that I really do have a lot to be thankful for this time.

H A P P Y H O L I D A Y
"
Why do people wait for certain holidays to to do certain things that they should be doing everyday?
"

I must warn you before I continue that I am typing this post from the soft pillowy comfort of my nice warm bed this morning because I wanted to soak in a few more hours of "snuggle time" [Alisha pic] before we head out holiday hoppin' [tigga definition Holiday Hoppin] and enjoying the day. SO yes, I'm laying here blogging, wearing nothing more than bed sheets and the warm glow of my computer screen and I'm enjoying myself. With that out of the way let's continue, shall we?

Thanksgiving is a special day designed to remind people that there are some things out there that they need to recognize. Things they should be thankful for. I had a conversation yesterday with someone who asked a profound yet simple question,
"Why do people wait for certain holidays to to do certain things that they should be doing everyday?"

I though about it and it really did make a bit of sense. We have Valentines day to think about the one we love yet many only use it to salvage a ruined relationship and not to strengthen a flourishing one. We have Christmas to remember the birth of Jesus however everyone in the world is not a Cristian so its now a day that we are supposed to be nice to one another and spend our hard earned cash on expensive gifts and items to prove it [Sears holiday sale ad]. Finally we have Thanksgiving [wikipedia Thanksgiving]. A day where it is said that the Indians and the Pilgrims bonded together and shared food and tools right before they stabbed them in the back [wikipedia Manifest Destiny] and marched them all [wikipedia Trail of Tears] off to their prospective and aptly named reservations (sorry for being so cynical). The point is, Thanksgiving is supposed to be the day of thanks but my friend and I were thinking why do people only take a day? Can't we be thankful everyday? I know I am. So, if you must know, I am going to tell the world what I'm thankful for, but not just because its Thanksgiving, but because I feel that you should know.

_{[The following appear in no particular order other than when I think of them.]}

1. First and foremost I'm thankful for my life. I have been through a lot and nearly been through a lot more and I now know that I come from a family of survivors. My mom had her serious car accident (that she survived) and then not too long ago her breast cancer [breast cancer awareness] (that she made it through) and if you saw her you would have no idea that she had any trauma anywhere during the entire course of her life. My brother [hi5 Boss Moe] (who I sometimes can't stand but only because I don't understand him) had a serious work accident (that he survived) and he would like to pretend that hes not thankful about but you can tell. And of course myself [myspace SublimeSpace] (Graphic Design extrodinaire) who has been through hurricanes, blizzards, bake outages, nervous breakdowns, unfair fights, racism, injustice, slavery (lineage counts for thanks), and just life itself. I'm thankful that I get to wake up each morning just to experience the ups and downs know as life. They drive me and give me purpose. Why else would I be up right now? Its 5am for god sakes. I'm thankful that I woke up on time.

2. I'm thankful for my beautiful daughter Destiney [Picasa Destiney]. Its kind of a long and complicated story but she is the reason I do so much (seriously). A lot of people claim that but I truly mean it. She is my driving force and she is gonna do great things some day, I just know it. She is an eight year old genius with the most humble, affectionate, kind spirit you will ever see. She is my angel and my "Partner in Crime". I know there will come a day where she may think that my jokes are corny and my hugs are icky but until that day I'm gonna soak in all the "daddyness" I can.

3. I'm thankful for my (wife to be) Alisha [picasa Alisha]. Sure, she's crazy. Sure, she makes me think I'm crazy. Sure, she makes me wanna jump out of the window of a moving car sometimes but that's the reason I love her. She challenges me. She makes me think of all the things that I refuse to process until the last possible moment. All the "stupid" important things that I wish I didn't have to deal with. She makes sure I at least have them on my mind. Without her I would probably be going crazy. I probably wouldn't have his blog (what reason would a single guy have to get up at 5am for other than to go to work?).

4. I'm thankful for all of the people that helped me get to where I am now. I know that line is super cliché but I truly believe that teachers, counselors, mentors, role models and others like them need a lot more credit than they receive (I'm one of them so I should know [myspace Settinstitute].

5. I'm thankful for my god given gifts and abilities and all of the tools that I have acquired in order to express my talents and skills and all of the people that surround me that appreciate my art and performance. Without them I wouldn't have the motivation or the drive to do the things I do and I know one day it will all pay off. I just know it [deviantArt tigga76].

6. Finally, I'm thankful for you. You are the reason I get up this dang on early in the morning because I checked the stats and I know people come on at 6am to see if I decided to call it quits or not yet but I'm still here. I'm definitely thankful for your support though. I really appreciate you.

H A P P Y H O L I D A Y
"
I guess the benefit to this whole "Thanksgiving" thing is that it does give you a second to reflect outside of the flurry of the "working world." Even though I have my obvious issues with it I am still thankful for the general concept and of course the fact that it is a day off.
"

Now, in real life this would be the point where we would sit down together at that log, table cloth covered, mahogany table covered in various holiday dishes (Turkey, cornbread, macaroni and cheese, greens, potato salad, corn, gravy, spaghetti, etc... [thanksgiving pic]) with our forks and plates in hand ready to smash [urban dictionary smash] but since this is only a digital diner engagement then allow me to leave you with this food for thought (clever huh?). Be thankful everyday for you never know which one will be your last.

That's all from me. I'm getting ready to do a little more "snuggling" before I have to head out in the cold to enjoy the warmth of the many family gathering I have planned for today. I guess the benefit to this whole "Thanksgiving" thing is that it does give you a second to reflect outside of the flurry of the "working world." Even though I have my obvious issues with it I am still thankful for the general concept and of course the fact that it is a day off.

Thank you all for reading this and I promise I'll see you later. In the mean time ask yourself this question, "What are you thankful for?" Comment Back.

SET UP FOR THE LET DOWN

<sub>[2]<- What's This

Watching to: Dragenet Intro</sub>

T H E L E T D O W N
"
Isn't disappointment nothing more than the unknown variable that was not even considered. Why not expect the unexpected and get it over with? People do it all the time, right? Why else would people spend valuable money and time on things like Life Insurance, Living Wills, Retirement Funds, IRAs, Playing the Lottery, CD's and so on and so forth. Why else would we even plan for something to go wrong if were not expecting something to go wrong?
"

What do you do when everything is going all right. The world is at total peace. Birds sing your introduction into the day and the wind whistles your theme song. Its just a beautiful, wonderful, delightful, exciting, vivid, colorful, cheerful, great, remarkable CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OWEHJF{ IWH#Q*RYU #Q_(*RY #Q_( Q(P

What do you do when the unexpected guest known as disappointment visits?

My fiancé and I go into this conversation a lot. She is very easily disappointed. She likes for things to go the way they are planned with no alterations of any kind (not even small one's). She likes for things to be perfect or else she goes 100% Incredible Hulk [You Tube Incredible Hulk] and just loses it. Me, I'm more laid back, relaxed and calm about that sort of thing. I'm used to let downs. They don't phase me and actually I plan them into my day. Why not? Isn't disappointment nothing more than the unknown variable that was not even considered. Why not expect the unexpected and get it over with? People do it all the time, right? Why else would people spend valuable money and time on things like Life Insurance, Living Wills, Retirement Funds, IRAs, Playing the Lottery, CD's [BoA Money Management] and so on and so forth. Why else would we even plan for something to go wrong if were not expecting something to go wrong?

Sometime I think I was just born without the "OH MY GOD WHAT AM I GONNA DO!" [OMG mp3] gene. Seriously, if I look back at the OMG moments in my life they never really phase me that much. Come on let's take a trip down memory lane. (It's ok I have Geico [Gieco.com]).

In 1992 I lived in Homestead Florida. Life was good and things were great (to a 12 year old anyway). My brother and I felt like the most privileged kids in the world. We didn't have all of the material things any kid could want but we had each other and a caring mother and a devoted step father to top it all off with. Life was great.

Now! For $200 dollars who remembers what significant event altered the peaceful suburb of Homestead Florida in June of 1992 ranking the town #4 on the list of most expensive damage to a residential area?

A. Flood
B. Tornado
C. Hurricane
D. Fire

Time's up. It was C, Hurricane.

[wikipedia Hurricane Andrew]
Nothing like a hurricane to shake things up a bit. Now as you would expect most of the adults and even the other children were running around, scrambling to pick up and secure their precious memories in safe and secure places so that the "Mean ol' Hurricane" couldn't get to them and rip them to shreds and smash them to bits. Me, I was intrigued by how low the birds flew and how animals could sense the coming of danger before even the news reports. I was a stone standing in the rapids of a raging river, anchored by serenity and secured by ignorance and faith. I wasn't stupid. I was aware of the damage that a hurricane, with its might wind speed and invisible sharp claws, could do. I knew that a hurricane was as serious as life and death but the way I was even before 12 (the way my though process worked) always questioned, "What's life and death without the former?"

T H E L E T D O W N
"
When it was all over depressed slumps of middle class citizens flocked to the street to collect the remains of their once manicured lives. Boats, Corvettes, Jet Skis and other expensive possessions were dissorientedly laying about like the room of a three year old after playtime. Andrew had thrown a temper tantrum alright, a 26 million dollar one.
"

Later on that evening, after most of the scrambling had settled, my family, including my moms friends and their niece and nephew, all huddled together within a small boarded up house awaiting the arrival of the monster named Andrew. We weren't at our 2 story Town House (Sea Grapes Village) but at my mother's friend house because it was only one story and it was further away from the city (Miami) where they thought it was gonna hit to begin with. We all sat curled into tiny little balls of shivering human flesh (all except for me that is). I was sleepy. I was up all day watching birds fly and dogs run with their tails tucked between their legs towards high ground. I had spent all of my energies on the fascinations of nature and I was ready to turn in hurricane or not.

My mom told me to go into one of the bed rooms and lay on the bed (which was nothing more than an old un-sheeted mattress but it was gonna have to do. I layed my head on the soft (spring filled) mattress for what seemed to be only a single second when my mother bursts into the room screaming,

"JERMAINE GET UP! THE ROOM IS FLOODING!"

I wobbled to my feet and sleepily shuffle (half way being dragged by my arm) towards the crowded hallway of human shivering when I slowly begin to realize that Andrew had arrived. He was finally here. The monster. The Maniac. The fire breathing beast sent from the east. The news spoke of him as though he were some ferocious monster with shards of glass for teeth and semi trucks for fists. The news talked about him like he could reach into each home and consciously feel around, with his wind made fingers, for the most ripe, delectable human treats that any monster would enjoy.

I stared him directly in the eye (literally). He was nothing. He was just wind. He had no claws, teeth, fangs, scales and he barely even howled. He was a big softy on the inside, Nothing more than nature's temper tantrum.

When it was all over depressed slumps of middle class citizens flocked to the street to collect the remains of their once manicured lives. Boats, Corvettes, Jet Skis and other expensive possessions were dissorientedly laying about like the room of a three year old after playtime. Andrew had thrown a temper tantrum alright, a 26 million dollar one.

Most people would have let something like that derail the rest of their life. Most people would have looked at surviving a hurricane as a traumatic life experience that forever alters the course of their actions. Most people would allow a simple natural event to alter their perception on reality and afterwards develop some complex to cope with the fact that (excuse the expression) Shit Happens.

We all know that things can go wrong. We had a great life down in Florida. I was attending one of the best Elementary schools in the city and I was on my way to middle school. Life was good. After the hurricane we (my brother and I) had to move up to North Dakota to live with my aunt on an air force base which is another story for another time.

Crap! I've run out of time. Here's what I'm gonna do. I would like to complete this post and get to the point (trust me I'm close) but in order to do so I have to bend my own rules just a bit. So tomorrow won't be as random but I'll try my best not to mentally plot out its course either during the day.

Leave me comments and let me know how you think I'm doing so far with the five o five. Give me suggestions how I can improve and if you think it all totally sucks then let me know that too. Whatever.

I appreciate the feedback, the support, and the interest. Until tomorrow.

Are you disappointed?

The five o five: Monday, November 19, 2007

I Am Whatever You Say I Am

<sub>[3]<- What's This

Waiting For: I AM LEGEND</sub>

I don't believe in limits. I don't believe in these invisible barriers that the hard edged warden known as reality tries to enforce down unto us. I don't believe in "I can't" because there is nothing that exists in this universe that I am unable to learn. I don't believe in anything that limits my god given limitless potential. I still hold fast to the shiny silver wordage on the stickers my kindergarten teacher stuck to the top of my worksheets. "You are super!" "You can do anything!" "You are special!"

YES I AM. YES I CAN [Nutty Professor "Yes I can"]

How did I get this way. Most of the world holds selfishly to their shortcomings even going as far as often times using them as interpersonal identification. Most of the time we even describe people by what we perceive as their limitation as though we are verbally sizing them up.

*Phone conversation

"Look at Becky the fat girl.

You know the crazy chick that sits next to the guy with glasses, James.

Yeah, James. You know James, the sleepy guy with the crazy hair and the slight limp.

Yeah, Becky is mad because he's marrying my sister next weekend.

You know my sister!

Stacy, the one with the lob sided breast.

Yeah! That one."

We define ourselves and each other with the limits that have defined the world around us but can we break free of this prison known as reality and go beyond our limits?

Maybe I just watched a bit too much television as a child but I don't recall ever believing in limits. Seriously. Even hard defined and nature reinforced laws didn't hold me back. In my eyes everything I saw on television was fair game. Time travel, unassisted flight, super human speed, inhuman strength, telekinesis, teleportation, levitation, [term for shooting electricity from my hands] I tried them all. Observing adults thought that I was playing but I was for real.

I think I tried flying more than once. I keep having this recurring dream that I am actually soaring on a cushion of air and nothing more. Everything is so real. I can feel the wind resistance. I can feel the vibration of the turbulent sky and gravity both trying to reclaim their escaped prisoner. In those moments I am free from it all. Limits, liabilities, fault. There are nothing but endless possibilities and then.... I wake up.

I've never grown out of thinking that there is nothing that I can't do. I honestly believe that if I focus hard enough the rules of reality will be become momentarily unchained and I will be able to escape to a haven outside of the depressed race of humanity. I will be able to soar amongst the birds and run along the cheetahs. I will be able to swim with the dolphins and lurk with the slithering snakes. I will be more than the limits I was born within. The container known as human, further defined by race, age, gender, height, weight, income bracket, intelligence level, vehicle I drive, color I wear most often, woman I'm dating and/or married to, women I've slept with, house I live in, occupation, shoe size, running speed, criminal history, offspring, siblings, mother, father, cousins, penis! WHY WHY WHY!

Why does any of it matter? Beyond being descriptive introductions to define those we don't know we have taken it a step further to actually design the limits for which we hold ourselves back. We are plagued with a limited mind. A mind that, if allowed to, creates our prison for us. Throughout history men have proven theory's and ideas wrong but even modern science continues to tell us what things are possible and what things aren't.

A perfect example of the contradiction that is the modern world is religion. I honestly believe that religion has its place within our daily lives and modern world but not in its outdated 10th century representation. No matter what religion you practice it was probably founded way back before television, internet, toasters, telephones and even polyester fiber. (I'm gong to be careful with the following statements as not to offend any one persons' religion but please feel free to defend and/or ask any follow up questions you like before making multiple clicks on the inappropriate flag above, Thank you :) With a practice being formed that long ago you would expect a few major revisions along the way just to keep up with the times. Think about medicine. What if the practice of medicine was still in the form it was today as when it was first created. Would you really support and stand for blood letting and routine lobotomy's for mental patients [wikipedia Medicine history]? What about science? How far would we now be if those in Christopher Columbus's day won the debate over whether the world was round or flat? Would our airplanes exist? How about our satellites and space ships? So what about religion?

I'm not saying that there needs to be a reform on the general morals and principals that modern religion contains (which are actually beneficial to society) but I'm hard pressed on the limits that religion sets on humanity itself. Those who read The Bible (also known as The Good Book, The Gospel, MY Right Arm, etc...) talk about Jesus as though he was there favorite cousin. Jesus could do it all. Jesus was the living legend of the biblical times. He could exceed the gravitational pull of the earth's rotation (he could fly). He could adjust his metabolic buoyancy so that he could stroll across the turbulent surface of an unsteady substance (he could walk on water). He could change the material properties of hydrogen dioxide to those of an alcoholic beverage created from the fermentation of grapes (he could turn water into wine). Jesus was the first super hero [Who will save us?] and to top it all off, he was only a man.

Now bible folk talk about Jesus this and Jesus that and they even hold on to the belief that he is one day gonna return but do they really believe the things they say or is saying those things so habitual that it just drips off of the edges of the regular conversational, defensive sentence structure. What I mean is in watching the news or reading the newspaper you see stories almost everyday of miraculous proportion. A man in New York jumped onto the tracks of an oncoming subway train to save someone [news story]. Or in California a group of firemen survived the intolerable blaze to extinguish an out of control flame [news story]. Or on the Simpson's Maggie saved Homer from drowning [You Tube Maggie Saves Homer]. Now, as much as Jesus believers believe in Jesus they are not willing o believe that any of these instances were Jesus manifested in human form. They will argue with you to the death that the Jesus they know has long black hair and fair skin and that he will come without fault or flaw and float on a cloud. The Jesus they talk about kind of resembles Fabio in description anyway.

But a man like Jesus, given exclusive lenience from the laws of reality by god, is one to be admired. We should all try to exceed our limits. Jesus should be an example not solely because of his sacrifice (which is mostly what religion wants to make of him, a glorified martyr) but his conviction to exceed the limits of not just reality but infinity. He believed that mortal death was not the end. He knew that your actions, ideas and emotions transcend your humanness into eternity. His name is spoken more than even our living relatives and we know they are just a phone call away. We should use his example or whomever example that can teach us a lesson in going beyond. People like Lance Armstrong [Lance Armstrong] surviving cancer and winning the Tour De France. People like Martin Luther King [Martin Luther King] who stood against what everyone else accepted as a reality and sought to change it. People like my own mother who doctors told her she would never walk again and she did [the five-o-5]. People who push the limits. Those are the ones I look up too.

So next time crazy eyed Tommy comes up to you with his yellow, gapped teeth tell him that you don't believe in limits and then ask him, "What would Jesus do," and fly out of the room contained within a bubble of confidence and content. At least that's what I would do.

The five o five : Friday, November 18, 2007

The Way You Do The Things You Do

<sub>[3]

Watching: Temptations "The way you do the things you do"</sub>

Birds build nests. Beavers build dams. Bees construct hives. Groundhogs dig holes. Mary sews quilts. Tammy paints portraits. Joe works on cars.

Why do we human beings fill our short days with lots and lots of often meaningless yet fulfilling activity? We wake up (some of us) as early as 5am to do some project or task that really has no bearing or effect on our livelihood. We are dedicated. We are committed. We are serious about what we do even if it is just some silly random early morning blog project [what s the five o five]. It is our world and our contribution to the world. We love, cherish and protect it as though in its absence we would wilt away. Why is it so important.

B U S Y
"
Salmon swim up stream. Bears hibernate in the winter. Caterpillars spin cocoons. Spiders weave webs. Why don't animals have our issues? Could you imagine the Paris Hilton of pigeons acting the way her human counterpart does? Can you see her lying around all day being chaffered on the hood of some limo while being feed gourmet worms and warm toasted Quiznos buns? Can you imagine her living this über plush (bird) life and then on one tragic evening she suddenly just get eaten by a cat? What if animals had television? Do you think that all of her pigeon compadrés would be watching the tragic event and mourning her passing?
"

Most would say that humans do scurry around doing a whole lot o' nothing. If you pay any attention to the celebrity scene that's exactly what seems to be going on with our society. The media enjoys showing us the way these privileged individuals live. Their daily activity includes shopping, skiing, golfing, diving, hang gliding, skating, sun bathing, tanning, adopting random African babies for poor African countries [Rueters Angelina Jolie] and sleeping. They get to lie around and do absolutely nothing at all and this is the life that a lot of people are aiming for. So essentially we (the ones at the bottom) work harder so we can be like them (the ones on top). It almost doesn't make any sense. Why would you do more work so you don't have to do any work?

I'm the type of person that does a lot myself. I may have told you this before but my day is full of just as much meaningless activity as the next guy. I wake up at 5am to do this blog (of course) for about an hour.At 6:30 am I pull out my dance mat and do an 30 minutes to an hour of DDR [slashdot ddr workout] each morning followed by 200 crunches and 50 push ups [revolutionhealth.com]. I take a shower, get dressed then check my daughter out to see if she is ready for school. I drop her off at school and then I go to my job [SETT Myspace] at 8am (which is an hour earlier than the time I'm supposed to be there. I check my email; look over my bank accounts; review my budget [mint.com]; and then I set my daily to do list carrying over unfinished items from the previous day [tadalist.com]. Some mornings, in the midst of doing all these other things, I write poetry while I'm driving (in my head). During the course of my day (while at work), I answer phones, type up memos and other various documents. I assist (or I do it myself) in the planing of the after school rehearsals. I build websites [www.asublimecreation.com]. I design tee shirts [cafepress store]. I write blogs [sublime space blog]. I do this, that and the other. All of the above happens before its even 12 noon. After that my day just becomes more random but by the day's end, after putting my daughter to bed and kissing my girlfriend goodnight, I lay my head on my pillow ready to do it all again. But why?

Why do we waste our time waking up everyday doing little menial things and performing the smallest task that most don't even notice. When I started this blog it was just myself writing it and my mother reading it. How lovely right? No offense to my mom [the five-o-5] whom I love to death and respect with all my heart but why aren't us lowly servants of and the world getting more attention. How come when Britney Spears cuts off her hair [You Tube Britney Spears] there is a news crew and several International News Papers there to capture the act LIVE? Was it really that serious? Was it that significant an act? On top of that why do a lot of us get so tied up in keeping up with all of that garbage that we schedule our own lives around the T.V. programming that will keep us up [E Online Kim Kardasian] to date on the latest celebrity garbage [VH1.com I Love New York 2] that spill out of the privileged filth pile [e online]? Is it because we like to see other people who have done so well do bad so we can eventually take their spot? Most of us claim that the fame won't change us but who knows what 10 million dollars might make you do?

B U S Y
"
So why do we do the things we do? I say its for our own sanity. Most animals live very short lives. So short in fact that we even count their years differently. They don't often get a chance to rest and relax. We do. But we, still driven by animal urges, try to make our lives a bit more meaningful then a dogs life. We try to leave something of ourselves (other than our debt and our carcass) to the rest of humanity.
"

Salmon swim up stream. Bears hibernate in the winter. Caterpillars spin cocoons. Spiders weave webs. Why don't animals have our issues? Could you imagine the Paris Hilton of pigeons acting the way her human counterpart does? Can you see her lying around all day being chaffered on the hood of some limo while being feed gourmet worms and warm toasted Quiznos buns [quiznos.com]? Can you imagine her living this über plush (bird) life and then on one tragic evening she suddenly just get eaten by a cat? What if animals had television? Do you think that all of her pigeon compadrés would be watching the tragic event and mourning her passing? Do you think they would fly down to the scene and rally to bring the terrible cat bastard to justice? Can you see this cat being tried and convicted of the murder of Pigeon Hilton and then summarily sentenced to 90 years in the kennel with no chance of free time and no access to a scratching post? Can you imagine the news paper headline, "CAT GETS CANNED FOR KILLING PARIS THE PIGEON." Have I taken this too far? Well think about it.

A lot of what we do (or think we do) of any level of importance has little to no value at all (in the present anyway). I wrote about it before [Cruise Control] but this is a little different. This has nothing to do with our motivation because most of the time this is the stuff that we do while we are supposed to be doing the other stuff that we do. The sewing, the drawing, the building, the programming. Most of this takes us away from the real stuff we are supposed to be doing. The working, the planning, the cleaning, the responsibility. The only difference between us and animals is that animals have no choice. They are obligated to their nature. If an animal slacks off (such as miss Paris Pigeon) well those are the ones you see lying on the side of the road dead (I guess that is the same way it goes for humans too).

So why do we do the things we do [Yahoo! Music Temptations lyrics]? I say its for our own sanity. Most animals live very short lives. So short in fact that we even count their years differently. They don't often get a chance to rest and relax. We do. But we, still driven by animal urges, try to make our lives a bit more meaningful then a dogs life. We try to leave something of ourselves (other than our debt and our carcass) to the rest of humanity. We want people to remember us. We want people to love us even though we are no longer around. We still love Ghandi [WikipWdia Ghandi]. We still love Martin Luther King [Wikipedia MLK]. We still love Tupac and Elvis [Wikipedia Tupac] [Wikipedia Elvis]. We still love them and talk about them like they are still here. We still love Mother Theresa [Wikipedia Mother Theresa]. We still love Princess Diana [Wikipedia Princess Diana]. We still love JFK and his little brother RFK [Wikipedia Kennedy's ]. We love them because they meant something to us. Their little bits of nothings affect all us. What they did in their spare time was something of noteworthiness. No one remembers Paris Pigeon at all.

Are you doing something that will be remember beyond your mortal life? Will the world love you too? Can you handle it? Why do you do the things you do? You tell me.

Read the follow up question to this post on Yahoo! Answers